White Walkers (+3.5 Goals) (+140)
Layin’ Pipe (-3.5 Goals) (-200)
Over 7.5 Goals (-110)
Under 7.5 Goals (-130)
Notes: First off, that image isn’t AI art but is actually a real place. No, really. Why’d I pick it though? Well, it looked cool, I’m stressed out and it kinda looks like a place the walkers might come from. Anyways, the first game of the night sees white playing silver and I truly hope one of these teams wears alt jerseys or it’s going to be an absolute nightmare for colorblind people and high as shit Sal. As far as the game itself, I’m a bit concerned here. White is going to be missing Stern, Brad, Rys and both their ladies. Caitlin and Amanda are both subbing and although they will help the cause (hopefully) I don’t think it’s going to be nearly enough as if there’s anything the Cheeks/Pipe franchise is good at, it’s padding stats against overmatched teams. I fear this is going to be another one of those nights. I did try to get white a decent sub but it was vetoed by Ryan, likely because he wants to do his seasonal put up 6 points against a team with no subs routine. He likely gets his wish tonight and thereby clinches the scoring title (with most of the points coming in two games ala last season) as pipe takes this down by a minimum of four goals (prob closer to six).
Ninja Turtles (-2.5 Goals) (-185)
White Walkers (+2.5 Goals) (+135)
Over 7.0 Goals (-120)
Under 7.0 Goals (-120)
Notes: This probably won’t be quite as ugly as the previous game, but it’s not going to be great for white either. Zisser’s out of town and Sonj is subbing, and I will prob give white a decent sub to keep this one reasonable but in the end I doubt that it matters. Ninja Turtles are rocking a mostly full roster for the first time all season and I think they come out firing. Corey does know Ariel/Caleb/Cherie/Luke well from the legendary Monday night gym scrim but I don’t think it’s going to matter as Stern, Brad and Rys are massive absences for the Walkers. White will get a strong sub for this one because no one green cares about stat padding, but probably won’t be enough anyways. Turtles to win but the cover is trickier than it looks.
The GoldMembers (-120)
Merry Pranksters (-120)
Over 7.0 Goals (-110)
Under 7.0 Goals (-130)
Notes: Gold is missing multiple top players due to an apparent fast day that is keeping Joe and Mitch out of action along with yet another crazy random injury that is keeping a Spector out of action. Gold will probably get a 4th-5th round level sub to even out the roster a bit while Pranksters get Corey in net and Mel subbing as a lady. This game is going to be a tight one all around and a total toss-up in my opinion. Gold is the better overall team but is missing key players while tie dye is scrappy, has a full lineup and is hungry for a win. This is as confusing as the burning of the temple I was just informed this fast day is all about. Bet at your own risk as the McQuade special is back in town (literally!).
UPS (+140)
Ninja Turtles (-200)
Over 7.5 Goals (-120)
Under 7.5 Goals (-120)
Notes: I’ve been informed that every single game I’ve picked against UPS, they’ve delivered and every game I’ve picked them to win, they’ve lost the package and refused the customer any type of refund. This game is going to be a barnburner and I honestly could see it going either way as these are two of the most explosive offensive teams in the league. Jack will shoot from everywhere, Cardello will run all game and Hicks will do a little of the first and even less of the second. But I have to give the edge to the Turtles with a full lineup (minus Zisser). This is probably the game of the night but I’ve got green squeaking this one out. Let’s see if this prediction spurs brown to yet another win.
The GoldMembers (+115)
UPS (-160)
Over 7.0 Goals (-110)
Under 7.0 Goals (-130)
Notes: McQuade will be subbing for gold who remain shorthanded otherwise while UPS rocks a full lineup. I don’t have much to say about this one that hasn’t already been said and I’m tired. Hopefully McQuade doesn’t maul anyone except for maybe Jack which would be totally fine and not a penalty according to league rules. Brown to probably win.
Red Floyd (-1.5 Goals) (-200)
SexyBack (+1.5 Goals) (+140)
Over 8.0 Goals (-120)
Under 8.0 Goals (-120)
Notes: This game is a shitshow and I’m not sure if the line adequately reflects just how weird it’s going to be. Red has basically a full lineup minus Wes and Sarah, but has KG subbing for Sarah. Meanwhile blue is in shambles and at time of publication has five guys, one girl and no goalie. Sammy is a GTD as his flight is set to land around 9 but if there are any flight delays, which seem common these days, he’s going to be out as well. Good news for sexy fans: red was kind enough to approve McQuade to sub for Chad who is unsurprisingly in Montreal until the end of the month. Bad news is that the likely goalie for blue is Sam Gelman making his debut in net. I legitimately have no idea how to set the over/under for a game between the top goalie in the league this season and someone who hasn’t played goal since 5th grade. Should be a fun one either way – place your bets and I’ll see you (finally) tonight.