Layin’ Pipe (-2.0 Goals) (-200)
SexyBack (+2.0 Goals) (+140)
Over 7.5 (-120)
Under 7.5 (-120)
Notes: After a seemingly never-ending hangover from whatever the hell went down in Nashville, these previews are back just in time for the last (full) week of the Summer 2024 regular season. When the schedule was originally made this looked like one of the marquee matchups of the entire season; a championship game rematch between two elite teams who would probably be fighting for top seeding. But while both teams have had their goalies bail on them for parts unknown (well, somewhat known: France and Georgia), silver has had strong attendance all season while blue has yet to have a single game where Sam and Chad both played. As such, while Pipe is battling for top seeding with red and black, blue is somewhere in the middle of the standings and no sure thing to cruise through the regular season anymore. Exacerbating attendance issues is that Brooke apparently has a concussion and is also out indefinitely. Also exacerbating matters: both teams made agreements with Sonj to sub and now are trying to sort out goaltending situations where it appears one of them will now be using the services of the Jackuum. Personnel is TBD but silver definitely favored with blue badly shorthanded.
Ninja Turtles (+2.0 Goals) (-110)
My Cup Size Is Stanley (-2.0 Goals) (-130)
Over 7.5 (-120)
Under 7.5 (-120)
Notes: This is another game that should have been an absolute scorcher matching two under-the-radar darkhorse teams. But green is missing much their roster for this one including Zisser who can only make the late games. Not helping matters is when Ariel texted Jenn about subs she told him that he could only get one if he had less than 8 players and the subs had to be 8th round or below when really it’s less than 9 players and 7th round. Classic. Anywho, Luke and the Turtles are no slouches and will have the Jackuum in net but smart money’s on black to keep on rolling, shadiness and all. Cup Size to win.
UPDATE: Zisser now in. Cup Size still likely to win.
My Cup Size Is Stanley (-300)
SexyBack (+200)
Over 6.5 (-130)
Under 6.5 (-110)
Notes: Part III of should’ve been amazing matchups but destroyed by attendance issues. With full teams, this would’ve been the game of the night and the long awaited return of Commissioner Bowl. But with far from a full team for blue and a stacked roster for black, this is probably another Cup Size victory. Sigh. Hopefully this preview is wrong because the pain of losing to Jenn really never goes away.
UPS (+150)
Ninja Turtles (-230)
Over 8.5 (-120)
Under 8.5 (-120)
Notes: A riveting matchup between two super high scoring teams that also have been known to give up goals in bunches as well, leading to one of the few 8.5 over/unders of the season. Jordan Dickson is now in for all games which help’s green’s cause a lot but UPS will also be rocking a full lineup, minus Cardello (off to Mass) and minus Brita/Dana but with Steph likely subbing in. This is actually a very tough game to handicap; Luke should totally have his way with the brown defense but I think Hicks and Jack should also be able to sneak a few by Zisser who hopefully has recovered from an extended Nashville hangover of his own. Ripping the over and probably Turtles to win.
UPDATE: Hicks claims to have rolled his ankle talking to Taco Bell. I’m not sure what to think anymore.
My Cup Size Is Stanley (-320)
Ninja Turtles (+200)
Over 7.5 (-120)
Under 7.5 (-120)
Notes: Green and black play an unprecedented third regular season game in the same night as a cautionary tale of what might happen if you try to backload your entire schedule and it rains. Both teams should in theory be equally tired although green’s shorter bench and higher average age makes it likely a bit tougher on them than black who have pretty much the entire lineup coming out for the triple. I would have this as a legit dead heat with full rosters but with Rockoff, Jai, Leeb, Sky and probably Jordan all out for this one, no choice but to give the edge to Cup Size as they continue to make a surprise run at the President’s Trophy. Oh dear indeed.
UPS (-2.0 Goals) (-120)
White Walkers (+2.0 Goals) (-120)
Over 8.0 (-125)
Under 8.0 (-115)
Notes: Who the hell knows when this game will actually start but one thing we do know for sure is that both these teams need a win. Like bad. They’re ranked 9 and 10 in the standings and although the game technically doesn’t mean THAT much, never underestimate the impact of going into the playoffs (or in this case, play-ins) with some momentum. APK will be making his D5 goalie debut subbing in net for white and I will almost definitely need to pick up some kind of sub-palooza for them as well. Meanwhile UPS will have to play without Mr Cardello who went to Attleboro to pick up a pack of smokes and is unlikely to return this season. I’m betting on brown to close out their season with a W and make white what I believe would be the only team in the modern era to go an entire season without a regular season win.