The MilkMob (+1.5 Goals) (+150)
Team Pie Pie (-1.5 Goals) (-225)
Over 7.0 (-120)
Under 7.0 (-120)
Notes: I have no idea what’s up with ChatGPT’s updated image creation software but these pics have gone from bizarre comic scenes to vaguely film noir posters from the 70s. Anyways, the long awaited 2025 season opener kicks off with a new first in D5 and possibly any ball hockey league in New York. No, I’m not talking about a team named after a diabetic cat, I’m talking about two female goalies facing off. Sonj is not just one of the best goalies in D5 but quite possibly one of the best female goalies on the entire planet, having played for women’s A teams, pro teams, national teams and perhaps most prestigiously winning the top goalie award last summer, then following that up by basically playing in goal for two different teams in the Fall, notching a 2.11 GAA for one and a 2.82 GAA for the other. Sophia, meanwhile is making her D5 debut but the people who play ice hockey with her have sworn that orange may have gotten the steal of the draft when they got her in round 12. Tough to tell who will be more insanely motivated for this one: Caitlin for aforementioned dead cat, or Fusco because that’s his default setting. I’m taking orange to notch a season opening win in this one by multiple goals.
Talking Reds (-1.0 Goals) (-120)
Pizza Rats (+1.0 Goals) (-120)
Over 5.5 (-120)
Under 5.5 (-120)
Notes: Red clocked in higher than I expected in the power rankings, probably due to the presence of Campbell in net. Meanwhile teal clocked in way lower than I expected despite the presence of Jeff Green in net. which is strange. I don’t necessarily see the oddly named Pizza Rats being a super elite team, but last overall would also be fairly shocking with one of the top girl cores and one of the top goalies in the league. I also heard red has Hoffman subbing for Dana and I’m not sure who’s subbing for their other lady who I’ve heard is quite good but also can’t play on any Tuesdays (kinda strange I know). I would rate this game somewhat close to coinflip territory but have to move the line slightly due to public perception. However I’m still confident enough in my assessment that I’m not willing to give away plus money on teal so the -1 handicap sounds about right. Rats to cover.
Beatin’ Meat (-145)
Team Pie Pie (EVEN)
Over 7.5 (-130)
Under 7.5 (-110)
Notes: 11 months ago James was getting ready to make his D5 debut with his buddy Ryan’s team. One year later, he’s captaining a team named after a dead cat while his former teammates captain one named after a euphemism for masturbation. Life comes at you fast in this league and I expect this game to be just that: fast. Both teams are built for speed and offense first which is either great news for their goalies if they like the action or bad news if they don’t enjoy facing 30 shots a game. Corey is actually missing this one for maroon but Ridzik will be subbing in, an arrangement that yielded a championship for green last season. Tough one to handicap, especially without knowing who’s missing for either team, but I’m backing the over even at 7.5 in what should be a high scoring back-and-forth affair.
Mace Windu (-160)
My Cup Size Is Stanley (+115)
Over 7.0 (-120)
Under 7.0 (-120)
Notes: Another matchup of great names here as we have a team named after a brutally murdered Star Wars character vs a team named after Jenn’s boobs. After a season where they made their first finals run in franchise history, black got ranked 2nd to last in this season’s preseason power ranks, probably because most rankers had no idea what to make of a draft involving high school kids, college kids and probably a few TikTok superusers mixed in as well. Meanwhile purple stuck with a far more standard draft and has a solid all-around squad led by Fitz in the 1st round on offense and Ariel in the 3rd round on defense. Amazingly, Ariel is not just older than black’s two youngest players combined, but is also older than black’s youngest and 5th youngest players combined. Will the legs have issues on what should be an unseasonably cold April night or did the kids on black get grounded last weekend, causing them to miss tonight’s opener? Great question – should be electric. No result in this one would really surprise me but I’m rolling with purp to win.
Silver Stallions (-105)
Mace Windu (-135)
Over 7.0 (-120)
Under 7.0 (-120)
Notes: A late night matchup between two of our new captains as Mace Windu wraps up their back-to-back against Jacob and the Silver Stallions. Power Rankers put purple comfortably ahead of silver, but I think it’s actually going to be way closer than that. Purple will be missing AJ and I believe Jeff Green was approved to sub by Jacob Green (no relation) while Brette subs in for Karly on the Stallions. There’s some really intriguing matchups up front with Pereira and Ken facing off against Fitz and Reape, but the goaltending may be the decider here. Will Jeff Green add to his already record-setting D5 resume or will Jacob Green, last season’s draft sleeper, lead his team to victory in his first game as captain? I really liked silver’s draft but I’m sticking with the rankers on this one. Purple to win and complete the opening night sweep.