Silver Stallions (+1.5 Goals) (+135)
Purple Nurple (-1.5 Goals) (-200)
Over 6.0 Goals (-145)
Under 6.0 Goals (EVEN)
Notes: I am super curious how the heat is going to affect these games, particularly the totals. Does the heat make it impossible for forwards to forecheck? Does it make it tougherc for defenders to square up and make smart plays? Does it make it difficult for goalies to butterfly? Most likely the answer is all the above but this once again begs the question of which aspect of the game will be affected most and consequently makes the totals tough to figure. I’m thinking they might be slightly lower like they were in the rain last week, but honestly have no idea. I don’t know if you’ve heard this, but gambling can be somewhat unpredictable. Bet at your own risk.
The MilkMob (+2.0 Goals) (-120)
Sex Education (-2.0 Goals) (-120)
Over 7.0 Goals (-145)
Under 7.0 Goals (EVEN)
Notes: After openly soliciting goaltenders for the first time in league history on the instagram page, Doug has answered the call and will be in for blue. Honestly though, no idea how this game is going to go down and there are also a few players coming in for blue that I’ve never seen play. That said, the players I have seen play are quite good. MilkMob will be pounding cold milk on their bench (gross) and ringing the cowbells after every goal and big play and if they can somehow keep up their team speed in temps approaching 100 degrees, there’s a chance they can run Sex Ed off the court and pull the upset. But much like the sex education classes my own high school offered, i think this game is going to be awkward and kind of strange with no one really running full speed except the Milkman and Cardello. Come to think of it, those are also by far the two most likely candidates to chug milk. Maybe there’s a correlation but that correlation is less about milk being a great sportsdrink and more about both of these guys being animals. Give me blue by two.
The Pie Pie Strikes Back (-120)
The Mighty Ducks (-120)
Over 6.0 Goals (-135)
Under 6.0 Goals (-105)
Notes: The Ducks will have Ridzik in net for this one while their normal goalie Zisser makes his D5 debut playing out as a forward. People may think this is a recipe for disaster but they forget that a) Zisser has been doing Orange Theory for months in preparation for dad life and b) Zisser grew up playing forward and still does in Chelsea Piers leagues and in a Hackensack league we used to play in. No, seriously, I have one of his finer efforts on my Google Drive so I can show random strangers at Gem Saloon the many talents of my attorney. In any case, orange will get 10th round rookie Carson Wine as compensation and while Grace is a last minute out, they’ve got a solid lineup in tow including Ken playing the double and rookie goalie Carl subbing for the Jeff Green / Ryan Levine tandem. This is a tough matchup to handicap because in my opinion these are two of the four best teams in the league, but the order is completely unknown. I have this game rated as a total toss-up.
The Pie Pie Strikes Back (-1.0 Goals) (-160)
My Cup Size Is Stanley (+1.0 Goals) (+115)
Over 6.5 Goals (-120)
Under 6.5 Goals (-120)
Notes: The final game of the evening. Hopefully Carl and Corey don’t melt in the earlier games because I have no idea who would jump in net if that were to happen. I don’t think black is nearly as good as they looked in their week one drubbings of teams by a combined 7 goals, but I also don’t think they’re quite as bad as they looked in getting drubbed themselves last week on a wet court. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle. Meanwhile I do think orange is legit but on a back-to-back in this weather…also not ideal. I mean seriously, I spent all of yesterday checking the weather report hoping for some good news of miracle cooling only to see shit like this:
Not what you want to see when you have two games in a row. They’ll get a slightly extended break in between, but I think it might take some toll. Enough of a toll for them to actually lose the game? That I’m not sure about. I’m sticking with orange to win, although it should be a closer game than it normally would be. See ya tonight. Bring water.