Silver Stallions (+2.0 Goals) (-105)
The Pie Pie Strikes Back (-2.0 Goals) (-135)
Over 7.0 Goals (-160)
Under 7.0 Goals (+115)
Notes: Tough to adequately describe how hungover I am today so let’s get through these betting lines and move on with our day. Sounds good. Great. I have no idea what the fuck is going on with this orange team except that James and Gelman are demanding to play together and the team is on a 3 game losing streak. They’re missing a few players tonight but I still have them rated as a top team, although I’m probably biased because I drafted this team and I usually don’t draft bad teams. So I have to think they’re going to turn this ship around at some point and silver, on a losing streak of their own, feels like as good a time as any, particularly without their 1st and 3rd rounders in this game. Still, the silver team is surprisingly feisty; they were tied with blue late in their week 2 game and only lost by one to the Ducks and two to the MilkMob. That’s solid performances against three of the top teams in the league. And yet, I know the public will be putting all their money on orange so I have no choice but to install them as a huge multi-goal favorite. I will say that on a Friday night and with both teams playing pretty shaky D to start the season, the over looks like a slam.
Reds N’ Roses (+115)
Purple Nurple (-160)
Over 6.5 Goals (-120)
Under 6.5 Goals (-120)
Notes: Purple is using the same goalie who they used in their win over the Stallions a few weeks ago when we played in 100 degree heat, but they won’t have Caleb. Meanwhile, after being pretty sure that red sucked, I received some box scores today that indicated they won their two games yesterday against the top two teams in the standings by a combined score of 10-3. It made me momentarily question if I had fully sobered up yet but apparently this actually happened. I now am forced to confront the possibility that red might actually be good with APK in net, Tarnow playing through groin injury #1000, Craig living up to the 2nd round price tag and Doug somehow leading the entire damn team in scoring. Is the Nate Lerner system a legit thing? Will we see NHL coaches adopt his patented system of diet and ridicule? I have no idea, but they are a live dog in this game. I still have to favor purple, but this has all the makings of a classic trap game. I recommend you don’t bet on it because you will probably lose. Actually, now that I think about it, you should definitely bet on it.
Sex Education (-3.0 Goals) (-260)
Mean Girls (+3.0 Goals) (+170)
Over 7.0 Goals (-130)
Under 7.0 Goals (-110)
Notes: Both teams have 5 guys and 1 lady. This game will be played 4 on 4 and honestly after last night’s classic Patrizia’s/Gem 1-2 punch, most players on blue will probably be happy to just escape from this one without throwing up on the bench. But pretty much no one is in for this game. It’s literally just the blue leadership committee plus Kate (junior associate of the leadership committee) and Mike Cremers (making a strong push to join said committee by being the only person besides myself to wear a suit to last night’s aforementioned punishing dinner). Campbell has been approved to sub for pink but on the classic Friday night condition that he has to shotgun a beer on the bench prior to each period. It’s what I like to call “The Jason Campbell Rule,” named after the guy who probably enjoyed the shotgunning more than the actual subbing of the hockey game. Good guy, wonder if he’s reading this. Anyways, everyone and their mother is going to be throwing blue in every parlay they have tonight so I have to make this line oppressive. Blue by a few.
Fertilizin’ Eggs (-3.0 Goals) (-200)
Mean Girls (+3.0 Goals) (+140)
Over 7.5 Goals (-120)
Under 7.5 Goals (-120)
Notes: The final game of the night. Jenn’s bartender is ironmanning. McCauley is subbing for pink. Yellow is probably pissed off after losing two games last night and now they get Andrew back. Also Ryan is similar to Hicks in the sense that there’s always a random Friday night game every season where he plays a shorthanded opponent and pumps in like 5 points. Sorry to say, this might be that game. Yehuda had an open offer to anyone in the league before the season that pink would finish top half in the standings. I think a lot of people wish they had taken that action. Eggs by half a dozen. See ya tonight.