Glazin’ Donuts (-2.5 Goals) (-120)
The MilkMob (+2.5 Goals) (-120)
Over 8.0 Goals (-145)
Under 8.0 Goals (EVEN)
Notes: The goaltending situation was looking pretty dire yesterday as there was pretty much no one available to come in for the 6:00 spot. Thankfully APK and Cam agreed to come in early for this one but I do have to warn bettors that bets are void if either team gives up an empty net goal to start the game. Otherwise, assuming everyone’s on time and we get a good orderly game this one is notable for a few reasons: MilkMob finally getting Caleb in, Donuts finally getting Pete back from his romantic sojourn and the return of a classic rivalry that began in Fall 2024 when these teams met on a Sunday night and silver used a random sub no one knew named Nick who proceeded to score a hat trick in an 8-0 win. Honestly hilarious in retrospect but extremely controversial at the time. For tonight I don’t think any random ringers are in the works but MilkMob will have to play their absolute best regardless. That said, they do have a punchers chance with Joe/Hicks/Caleb et al, plus Maddy subbing in. I think this one could be closer than you think but a likely goal scoring fest either way. Over for me.
Baja Blast (+2.0 Goals) (EVEN)
Merry Pranksters (-2.0 Goals) (-145)
Over 8.0 Goals (-120)
Under 8.0 Goals (-120)
Notes: What a difference a week makes. Before the season I think most would have rated this matchup as close to even but the Pranksters are not only a .500 team but had leads in both games that they lost and have been competitive in every single game. Green, meanwhile, continues the curse of the Kolenberg goalies as Corey is injured, likely forcing Cam into action for a second straight game. Team co-captain and analytics department head Rys is also out for this one with fellow front-office mates Mo and Wagner listed as GTDs. Green is by no means dead in the water for this one as they will have a solid offensive roster including Neil, Minsky, Jacob, Donnie, Joel and Brooke in action but as I updated the league stats today there was one that really stood out: of the 8 goals Baja has scored this season, only two have been assisted for a ratio of 25%. Among all other teams in the league, 86 of 101 goals have been assisted for a ratio of 85%. If they’re going to start moving up the standings the team passing and possession game will need to improve. I think it can happen, but not sure if tonight’s the night. 6-3 Pranksters.
Glazin’ Donuts (-2.5 Goals) (-145)
Pinky Toe (+2.5 Goals) (EVEN)
Over 7.5 Goals (-120)
Under 7.5 Goals (-120)
Notes: Rensbowl is usually a pretty big event in these parts but the luster is down on this matchup a bit with pink having lost both of their first two games and playing the type of defense that’s making Sophia’s hostage situation worse than ever. Silver has played two games so far and I think they’re a strong buy-low at the moment: a season opening win over UMass dominated by Ryan and Jeff and a tight loss to first place orange where they gave up three empty netters. Considering this is also Pete’s season debut, pink’s only chance in this one is to use their superior speed to really run circles around silver. I don’t know if it’s in the cards and I don’t even know if they have all their speed players in. Last year literally everyone outside of the pink locker room (and even some in there) underestimated pink except for me. It was a great buy-low and I rode that stock to a championship appearance. This season…I’m selling. 6-2 silver.
Pinky Toe (+2.0 Goals) (EVEN)
The UMass Football Team (-2.0 Goals) (-145)
Over 7.0 Goals (-120)
Under 7.0 Goals (-120)
Notes: On paper we have two teams in the bottom half of the standings but in practice UMass is another very strong buy-lows in D5 right now as they lost two tight decisions to start the season before an impressive 2-0 shutout Friday night in their first game with both top picks. And still, Russo has only played one game, Hilary hasn’t played one and Jack hasn’t been sending the team inspirational messages yet, likely saving that ace up his sleeve for the playoffs. Pink, meanwhile, is going to be desperate for a win in this one after starting the season 0-2, possibly 0-3 after they lose to Glazin’ Donuts in the game before this, and will potentially be throwing the kitchen sink at UMass in dire search of their first win. The motivation of this team to avoid an 0-4 start might just give them the extra push they need but if I’m looking at which team has stronger leadership between Yehuda and Jack, the difference could only be more clear if they were competing to see who had a harder slapshot or who has done more beer bongs in their lives. UMass 5-2.
The Phantom Pie Pie (-230)
Street Meat (+150)
Over 7.5 Goals (-120)
Under 7.5 Goals (-120)
Notes: The final game of the night and both teams are missing players as Pie Pie won’t have Danilo while Street Meat continues to miss Ariel due to injury. That said, these are undoubtedly two of the top six teams in the league as orange is undefeated on the season while Street Meat is 2-1 with the lone loss being a game against UMass where they were badly shorthanded and AJ played incredibly. Of course, there’s also a game against red that needs to be concluded in which red was ahead 3-0 but as Ian remarked, “tis but a scratch.” Doug also continues to get more games in net than as a forward as Travis is out once again but with Pete making his season debut for yellow and Oskar/Cardello getting their second games in, this is the meatiest lineup yet for Street Meat. The total is perhaps the trickiest part of this game to handicap as Street Meat is a bonafide offensive machine, averaging 5 goals per game which is good for second in the league, while orange averages a league best 1.25 goals against per game. This game could be 5-4 Meat or it could be 3-1 Pie. Pretty much no result would surprise me. The old McQuade special: for the sickest of gamblers only. But for people who read this far…that might be you.