Chappell Red (-2.5 Goals) (-650)
Sex Ed (+2.5 Goals) (+360)
Over 8.5 Goals (-120)
Under 8.5 Goals (-120)
Notes: Blue was originally supposed to play at 9:50 against purple but due to the scheduling changes to make things easier for the play-in teams, now plays at 6:00 and man is it ugly. Anyone accusing me of rigging things for blue in the future will be forced to watch replays of this game on repeat. There are only 4-5 players from the roster in and a ton of high profile absences including Chad, Jared, Ryan, Mitch, Jess, Maulik, Cardello Nikki and multiple others but I’m too lazy to type all of them out. Caitlin and GDR will sub along with whomever else I can convince to come in at 6:00 but regardless it’s looking like it might be a tough one. I wouldn’t recommend betting on this game at all and the close-to-unplayable odds should reflect that.
Street Meat (+4.0 Goals) (-120)
Hockey at Glatt’s (-4.0 Goals) (-120)
Over 9.0 Goals (-130)
Under 9.0 Goals (-110)
Notes: I’m not sure how I’m supposed to focus on this game when I’m being sent content like this
Is that actually Zuck? If you told me that was an illegitimate child he recently fathered at the Stumble Inn I would have believed that too. To be fair, the stitches do look quite painful. Also to be fair, Glatt’s has been riding high all week after notching three wins, getting hammered at Dorrian’s and getting goal of the week honors on Tony’s 1st goal, leading to me receiving numerous videos and gifs of parachute training. No, seriously.
As for the game itself, there are serious stakes. If Glatt’s wins they would become the first and only team to go undefeated in a 10 game season, at least until Pie Pie goes for the same honors in the very next game. If Street Meat wins they have a chance to move out of the play-ins and make pink play tonight. That means, for one night, Yehuda and Tony truly are the best of friends.
No further commentary. Take the over.
The UMass Football Team (+2.0 Goals) (-145)
The Phantom Pie Pie (-2.0 Goals) (EVEN)
Over 7.5 Goals (-120)
Under 7.5 Goals (-120)
Notes: Pie Pie is missing a ton of players but they are going for history in this one, looking to go undefeated and clinch the President’s Trophy going into the playoffs. UMass doesn’t have a ton to play for considering they’re guaranteed to have to play later in the night but will play for pride and to go into the playoffs with a bit of momentum. On paper they were predicted to be one of the top teams with the top two picks in the draft plus the top goalie and the top lady drafted. Unfortunately attendance issues have plagued the team all season and they’ll end up as possibly the most dangerous play-in team I’ve ever seen. I don’t quite think it’ll be enough to get through an orange team that looks like a legitimate juggernaut the same way the actual cat it was named after was an actual juggernaut as a morbidly obese feline, but I don’t think they can be counted out in any way, particularly with orange playing a bit short tonight. With AJ back for black and Will looking to close out his Vezina season, its the under for me.
Merry Pranksters (-120)
Bruise Control (-120)
Over 8.0 Goals (-120)
Under 8.0 Goals (-120)
Notes: This is the actual marquee game of the night featuring two top teams in a defacto playoff game. The winner has to win one playoff game to reach the final four while the loser has to win two. The stakes are massive and honestly I have these teams rated fairly similarly. I think purple is steadier, having been built on goaltending and defense, while the Pranksters are higher ceiling, having elite level scoring on their top unit of Gelman/Maddy/Nick. The heat is a bit of a wildcard as it has the potential to slow down tie-dye’s attack but I also think they’re a younger and more athletic team overall so it may not matter. Might honestly just come down to something as simple as which goalie (Max or Carl) is more able to handle playing in the intense sweltering heat. I’ll give the goalies some waterbreaks for this one but it’s going to be fascinating either way. No leans for me in any direction. Get your popcorn ready.
Street Meat (-2.0 Goals) (-230)
Baja Blast (+2.0 Goals) (+150)
Over 8.0 Goals (-130)
Under 8.0 Goals (-110)
Notes: The final game of the regular season. Two teams that will not only definitely play later in the night, but possibly play against each other immediately after this game concludes. Baja has nothing to play for except pride but Jake has already made it clear to me that his team will be playing hard in this one, as one would expect from an elite group of D5 athletes. Street Meat will be on their 2nd game of the night but in theory has incentive to move up to 9th place. And if they somehow beat Glatt’s earlier in the night the incentive will be absolutely massive to avoid the play-in altogether and also to force Yehuda’s team to come in late on a Tuesday, which would be only the 2nd worst thing to happen to him on a Tuesday night after he watched Everett roll in direct from Chelsea Piers last week to score 5 goals against his teams. I think considering the motivation edge Meat has to be the clear favorite. Important to note that Jake has requested a running clock for this game which is why the total is possibly a bit shorter than you may have expected. As for the play-ins: making lines for games that no one has any idea who’s actually playing sounds insane. But if you find me in the scorer’s box tonight I’ll give it a shot anyways.