Sexual Misconduct (-1.0 Goals) (-120)
Attack Of The Pie Pie (+1.0 Goals) (-120)
Over 6.5 Goals (-120)
Under 6.5 Goals (-120)
Notes: The opening game of week seven sees two wildly shorthanded teams as orange has I believe the minimum nine players and is notably missing Bedsy from this game who apparently informed team management he can only make Tuesday games even though they requested games on Monday and Wednesday this week. Meanwhile blue is missing a host of players and in fact only has five guys in at the time of this publication with Chad still out due to his recent appendectomy which did sound rather unpleasant. It’s honestly a very tough game to handicap and very close overall with the blue captains squad plus Jacob, Shane and the ladies vs Danilo and the Jefferies crew. The game will likely end up being decided by the goalie matchup between wily vet Jeff Green and rookie Tyler Cross, two of the league’s best both this season and for years to come. I’m not sure which way the action on this one will go either at the sportsbook or on the rink, particularly with myself still feeling the effects of a multiday hangover, so I’m making the line an unappealing toss-up with a one goal win for blue being a void but I do think the sharpest bet is the one no one ever wants to make: take the under.
Shake ‘n Bake (-1.5 Goals) (-120)
Red Day (+1.5 Goals) (-120)
Over 7.5 Goals (-120)
Under 7.5 Goals (-120)
Notes: A classic matchup ever since the first season of the color-changing franchise when both teams were somehow named Cheeks, these two franchises are always in contention but haven’t been able to take that next step in some time: Levine/Pete/Tommy since summer 2024 and Tarnow since Guido was in town converting all his passes into goals. That said, this season is a top opportunity for both to get back to the top of the mountain as there’s a ton of parity this season with both of these teams near the top of the standings. Navy in particular has looked mighty impressive in silencing the doubters this season (although the ones who were doubting Pete’s attendance are doing fine as he is out for tonight’s doubleheader) and Ryan looked revitalized as, one season after failing to qualify as a player of the year finalist for the first time in several seasons, he’s back at the top of the scoring race and looking at potentially setting multiple league records this season. Two wins tonight would be a major step in that direction and I kinda think he gets there even against a very solid red team that really wanted to play a doubleheader tonight so presumably have a strong roster in town. Shake n’ Bake to win, albeit probably in a close one.
Shake ‘n Bake (-5.0 Goals) (-145)
Show Bobs (+5.0 Goals) (EVEN)
Over 9.5 Goals (-120)
Under 9.5 Goals (-120)
Notes: This one, on the other hand, doesn’t seem like it will be quite so close for two main reasons: first, these teams met just over a week ago and the result was a 10-2 win for Shake n’ Bake, and second because at the time of publication Show Bobs still does not have a goalie. I don’t have to tell you why that doesn’t bode well for a team that has already kinda been struggling to keep the ball out of their net even with a goalie. I do think they have most of their lineup in tow but without knowing who their goalie will be or even that said hypothetical goalie even exists, what can I really make this line? I don’t even know if I’ll be able to accept bets on this one if there’s no goalie but whatever ends up happening, short of a last minute Carl/Jeff approval I’m expecting blood worthy of the corpse of team namesake Bob Saget. You may think that joke was tasteless but honestly no one would have enjoyed it more than Saget himself. You know, if he wasn’t dead.
The Royal Sampler (-120)
Double Teamed (-120)
Over 8.5 Goals (-135)
Under 8.5 Goals (-105)
Notes: The first time these teams met it was an absolutely wild 7-6 comeback win for Double Teamed which explains why this line, like most of the lines tonight, seems rather high. In fact purple overall this season has been much wilder than usual; usually a fairly conservative defense-first team, they’re giving up 4.33 goals per season. Cup finals hangover from last season, Milstein missing far more games than usual or Milstein forgetting to draft many true dmen outside of Sanchick? Either way, Carl is going to have to regain the insane form he found in last year’s playoffs to keep this game under and even that may not be enough as yellow’s structure has been fairly non-existent all season culminating in giving up a league record 18 goals last week in a game that is going to take about 30 minutes to enter into the box scores. Will be sending Bramson a zelle request for services rendered before I work on that one. Either way, this is looking like another high scoring affair. Probably multiple points for Luc, Everett, maybe Ariel if he shows up to his first game of the season here. Even at this inflated price, give me the over.
Hootie & The Doug Fish (-2.5 Goals) (-145)
Double Teamed (+2.5 Goals) (+EVEN)
Over 10.5 Goals (-120)
Under 10.5 Goals (-120)
Notes: As has been the case with multiple games tonight, I have no idea how to make a line for this game because these teams met less than a week ago and the result was an 18-3 shellacking where I think every green shot went in and multiple players may have set league records. I still have to go through that with the league stats department but tonight the only real changes I see are that Ariel is in for yellow, Ken is a GTD for green and yellow will presumably be out for some measure of revenge after that beatdown. So obviously this won’t be a win by 15 (which is a blowout even in basketball and football) but what should the true line be? I don’t know, but I do assume everyone will hammer the camo line so they have to favored at least by a few. Honestly, as with a lot of these, the total is most intruiging as it’s being set at an all-time league record total of 10.5. Seems high right? Take the under then. I dare you. Should be pretty wild. Corey, I’ll bring you extra water along with some preworkout and possibly off-brand viagra. See ya tonight.