Cookie Monsters (+1.0 Goals) (+140)
Pinky Promise (-1.0 Goals) (-200)
Over 7.0 Goals (EVEN)
Under 7.0 Goals (-145)
Notes: An extremely rare under game but it’s warranted here as this matchup features not just two of the league’s top goalies (and the top two drafted ones at that) but also feature one team (pink) which invested most of its draft capital in defense for the first time possibly ever and another that is missing their first rounder and top line center. Of course, the body of work I’ve seen from pink is zero due to an amazing 12.1 out of 15 games being rained out last week but unlike some of their rosters in past seasons, I think this one has a fairly high floor. I did see almost two full games from purple and while results were not that encouraging, they were missing their first rounder. Unfortunately they will be missing him again tonight so unless you think Milstein’s cookies can make up for the loss of the Estonian floorball unit it may be a tough night for the Cookie Monsters. To be fair, I have heard the cookies are great though and I’ve been getting enough cookie talk lately to last me a lifetime. 4-2 Pinky Promise.
Chocolate MilkMob (Sponsored by Oreos) (-145)
The Golden Gods (EVEN)
Over 7.5 Goals (-145)
Under 7.0 Goals (EVEN)
Notes: It’s opening night for the MilkMob revival, this time chocolatey and apparently sponsored by Oreos. If I get sued by Nabisco rest assured the legal bills will be forwarded to Hicks although the real victim will be anyone who goes to Nashville next year and is deprived of the usual reckless spending.
Yellow will meanwhile also be making their season debut despite having three games scheduled last week but will now have to do so without Levine who is off to Switzerland, ostensibly for work but most likely to eat chocolate, shop for luxury watches and engage in crypto scams. The first two are what I did when I went to Switzerland in 8th grade, the last one is actually pretty much his job. It should be fine for yellow though because Campbell will be in as the other half of that tandem and from what I’ve been told (by Campbell), the better part of that tandem. Calder Trophy dark horse and my half-asian sister Ali is also out but someone will sub for her at some point I’m sure. I’m taking the over.
The Dolly Pranksters (+1.0 Goals) (+135)
Revenge of the Pie Pie (-1.0 Goals) (-200)
Over 7.5 Goals (-120)
Under 7.0 Goals (-120)
Notes: I’ve been told the Pranksters have a full lineup for this one which is like three full lines, three D-pairs and probably some funny hats if I know Gelman. Orange, meanwhile, doesn’t know who’s in because these Jefferies guys are too busy manipulating the market to RSVP to a team poll. Also they might be drunk right now. Regardless of their current state and whether they’re mourning the end of intern season, I do like the speed and depth of the roster and Max seems revitalized playing with these sickos. I really hope at some point they take Gelman out boozing because I have a feeling it would end the same way the 5th Anniversary Gala did with him being carried out by Tarnow and Amanda. Good times. It’s tough to get a good read on the Pranksters considering they were missing several top players last week and they’ve been badly underestimated the past two seasons, but I’m feeling orange in this one. 5-3 Pie Pie.
The Dolly Pranksters (+1.0 Goals) (+135)
Chocolate MilkMob (Sponsored by Oreos) (-1.0 Goals) (-200)
Over 7.5 Goals (-120)
Under 7.5 Goals (-120)
Notes: Both teams should have basically everyone and both teams will be playing their second game of the evening. It’s a matchup between top goaltenders between old Hebrew school friends Jo and Sam (at least I think that’s where they met) and between two of the surprisingly many rebranded franchises we have this season. Not a ton to say about these teams that I haven’t said already except that if brown wins I have a feeling they’re going to be spending so much time at Merrion’s and at Taco Bell that half of them won’t make it into work in the morning. You absolutely love to see it. Mob 5-3. Taco Bell in the shower for everyone.
Bruger King (-1.5 Goals) (-160)
Sgt. Siwash (+1.5 Goals) (+115)
Over 8.0 Goals (-145)
Under 8.0 Goals (EVEN)
Notes: Last year’s camo team went 11-1 in regular season and playoffs culminating in a cup. The lone loss? Incredibly to a Glatt’s team in the midst of a nightmare season in which they finished 8th and lost to Yehuda in the first round. The rebrand is complete along with a brand new Instagram account and whispers of bobblehead nights and whopper tosses into the stands that are sure to electrify the crowd. But will it translate to wins on the ice? Honestly, I’m not quite sure how it couldn’t. Camo should be very strong again this season and have a legitimate chance to repeat but with Kittredge out for this game due to having a reservation at Raos (one of the best excuses to miss a D5 game I’ve heard in some time, way better than people saying they’re “working late” or “getting married” or similar bullshit), I give silver a decided edge in their opening game since the rebrand. Bruger King to win and send the fans home happy. Whoppers next week pls.
