Red Bunny (+1.5 Goals) (+160)
The Big Green (-1.5 Goals) (-300)
Over 7.0 Goals (-120)
Under 7.0 Goals (-120)
Notes: I was all set to make this line and then, as often happens in this league, I find out the captains have agreed to some kind of bizarre sub arrangement where Carter gets to play out for red, as does Campbell, but then instead of Campbell in goal they have some random friend of Carl’s who no one has seen play in net except maybe Carl whose scouting report was…less than encouraging.
I don’t know about you but I cannot wait to see this. It does make this line nearly impossible to make considering neither team has played a game yet and this guy is a complete wildcard the likes of which haven’t been seen in a D5 crease since the time I had Gelman suit up in net for a blue vs red game. Unsurprisingly, we lost by like 10. Big Green to notch a big win. Yes, the spread is very wide for this one. I truly have no idea wtf is going to happen.
The Dolly Pranksters (-145)
Cookie Monsters (EVEN)
Over 7.0 Goals (-120)
Under 7.0 Goals (-120)
Notes: It’s tough to get a good read on either of these teams. Both were ranked near the bottom of the preseason power ranks but both have thus far been better than expected. The Pranksters won both of their games last week and currently sit in first place in the league standings. Purple is 0-2 but looked way better than expected last week in mostly outplaying pink and in my opinion were somewhat unlucky to come away from that game with a loss. I do think that tie dye has the overall stronger roster which is why I have to give them the slight edge here, Gelman being a perennial top five scoring race finisher and player of the year contender, but don’t be surprised if purple keeps this game close, particularly on the heels of a massive trade they made over the weekend. More info on that to come in Fridays previews though.
Sexcellence (-120)
Cookie Monsters (-120)
Over 5.5 Goals (+1000)
Under 5.5 Goals (-10000)
Notes: This game is tied 2-2 with 1:17 left in regulation. You would have to be a real sick fuck to bet the over/under considering it is virtually guaranteed to be 3-2 one way or the other. However this league’s membership being what it is and this sportsbook being one of the most well-respected in the country I have no choice but to put a lineup for the people. As far as the game, I think it’s a coinflip. Purple will have the advantage of being warmed up having just played a game, but possibly a little tired, while blue will be fresh but not warmed up. And in a likely sudden death or shootout situation, the win probabilities generally converge towards a 50/50 split. The safest bet of course is under 5.5 goals but who the hell wants to do that.
Sgt. Siwash (-120)
Sexcellence (-120)
Over 7.0 Goals (-120)
Under 7.0 Goals (-120)
Notes: After wrapping up the final minute and change against purple we get to a rematch of last season’s semifinal. No word on if camo is planning on doing a video tribute to Brooke on the scoreboard but this should be an extremely competitive game. Siwash has only played one game, a 5-4 loss to Bruger King in a shootout which basically is a tie for the purposes of rating teams while blue has one win vs a very shorthanded Pranksters team and a purple game still pending. It’s another toss-up in an evening full of teams who have played 0-1 total game thus far due to rain and this league being full of Ashkenazis who requested Friday off for Rosh. As with most blue games this season (and ever actually), I’m taking the under.
The Golden Gods (EVEN)
The Dolly Pranksters (-145)
Over 7.5 Goals (-120)
Under 7.5 Goals (-120)
Notes: Gold rolls on without Levine and probably without the other half of that tandem (and better half if you ask him), Campbell. Still, it’s a deep roster with no holes and one which could have easily won their season opener against the Chocolate MilkMob last week if not for an absolutely insane performance by Tyler in goal. Things don’t get much better on the goaltending front this week as yellow will have to find a way to solve Jeff Green, one of the most decorated goalies in D5 history who also is claiming this may be his final season. Will have to peer pressure this guy at Dorrian’s on Friday, everyone please make a note. I don’t know if the Pranksters are missing anyone but considering the only texts I’ve gotten from Gelman today were about him seeing Sal on the street, I think they should have a full lineup. Tie dye probably has to be favored on the basis of being #1 in the standings but this game profiles to be too close to call. Stay away special for me.
Pinky Promise (+1.0 Goals) (EVEN)
Sexcellence (-1.0 Goals) (-145)
Over 5.0 Goals (-145)
Under 5.0 Goals (EVEN)
Notes: For several seasons Sophia has been held hostage by Yehuda who claimed that she wanted to be on pink every season, a claim that could be verified by exactly zero other parties. But tonight she gets to face them for the very first time as Tyler also faces the only D5 team he’s ever known in a game with the lowest projected total of the season. Both teams have already notched shutouts and invested heavily in defense and goaltending at the draft. Of course, Pete is missing this game for pink, as is tradition, due to either a trip to Indiana or the zoo or to the plumbing store for more squeegees. This guy’s getting so much experience cleaning up flooding I might have to hire him to manage the rink on rainy days. He’s truly giving Wetness Protection a new meaning. I think even without his bruising Greek body on defense this is a low scoring slog. Even at this absurd number, give me the under. See ya tonight.