It’s the last week of the regular season with all sorts of playoff implications on the line. Half the goalies are missing but thankfully the Parrots have multiple netminders listed as forwards on their roster and are generously donating them to other teams so we don’t have to play games with empty nets. Condensed game lines below because I’ve spent half the day securing subs:
Cleveland Browns (-180)
The Varsity Warriors (+140)
Over 7.5 Goals (-120)
Under 7.5 Goals (-120)
The pick: A grudge match between former champions sees Julie & Rich lead their team into battle after a crazy Monday, to say the least, against their former squad, the defending champion Varsity Warriors. The Warriors will be using Eitan The Goalie turned Forward turned Goalie in relief of Tim/Ed, while the Browns will be icing a mostly full roster. Derek, Probie and Nico will look to reclaim their chemistry from last week against the top line in the league in Julie, Luke and Yetter. The Browns have a lot at stake in this game including a scoring title for Luke, a women’s scoring title for Julie, the goaltending crown for Tim K and the hopes of an entire city. Despite the championship pedigree of the green team, the Cleveland Browns will be riding the emotion of yesterday and have to be considered the odds-on favorite and the pick in this match.
Ball That (-140)
The Purple Parrots (EVEN)
Over 8.5 Goals (-120)
Under 8.5 Goals (-120)
The pick: When these teams met in week 4 it led to a back-and-forth affair that culminated with a late Ball That surge, a Miles hat trick and a 4-3 victory. Miles won’t be around for this one but Jeff will look to put the team on his back and lead them to a 4th seed and consequent mini-bye in the playoffs. Riegler will make yet another appearance for orange where he’s used his speed and grit to help them pick up some much needed points after they lost Pete to a knee injury early in the year. The Parrots will be without the services of Hogg, Tarnow and their fearless leader LJ, utilizing the services of free agent Joe P and an as yet unidentified female player in relief. While the Parrots surely want to move up to the 6th seed so they can get a better first round matchup and go into the game with some momentum, Ball That has a lot more to play for. Look for them to come out firing and earn that bye with a hard fourth victory over Campbell and the Parrots.
My Cup Size Is Stanley (+115)
Hungry Hippos (-155)
Over 8.0 Goals (-120)
Under 8.0 Goals (-120)
The pick: The game of the week sees Jenn lead her team into the Hippound against Captain Hippo and the Hipponauts (ridiculous). With Dave GDR unavailable tonight Jenn will be enlisting her old BTSH buddy Zach Lewis who is a forward for the Purple Parrots by day, emergency goalie sub by night. The Hippos should have a full lineup and Zisser has his ladyfriend turned girlfriend (he is now off the market, or should I say as off the market as Zisser can get) so he will be extra motivated to play well so as not to get dumped immediately. This is going to be a fun match, especially after Captain Hippo confidently predicted a victory for his squad. They will be extra motivated with a potential first round bye on the line if they win and either the Browns or Sexy lose, so look for them to come out strong, pick up a couple goals from Sweet Baby James and salt away an early lead en route to a victory.
The Charging Cheetahs (-135)
Team Sexy (-105)
Over 6.5 Goals (-130)
Under 6.5 Goals (-110)
The pick: Just like Summer, the Fall season concludes with a Sexy/Cheetahs showdown. Last season the Cheetahs were going for an undefeated season and used a two goal performance from then free agent Mike Marian to secure a 2-0 win and a top seed in the playoffs. This season, Sexy is sitting at #2 and going for the top seed with Mike Marian their second leading scorer, while the Cheetahs are hoping to move up to the #4 seed if Ball That loses. The Cheetahs will be without their regular goalie, Charlie, and will be using Zach Lewis in relief but should have the rest of their regulars ready to go including #1 overall pick Gabe. Unfortunately for fans of Team Sexy all over the country, they will be without Ryann (sick) and Avery (just married) putting them in a bit of a hole. Those losses make this game incredibly difficult to predict, and I’m hardly an unbiased observer so it might be best to just take the under on this one and enjoy D5’s first ever Fall season finale. But if you’re the degenerate type, take the points and bet the underdog to secure the first round bye.