Week 5 Betting Lines (Spring 2021)

Green Street Hooligans (-120)
Crimson Wave (-120)
Over 6.0 (-125)
Under 6.0 (-115)

Notes: I have no idea if these games are going to be played – honestly I can’t even believe I have to do these previews as I had fully earmarked this day for D5 box scores, the French Open and TSLA options. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on what your roster looks like tonight), the weather is fucking with all of us and as there has been no rain yet we are still on for tonight and I will throw down some half-assed betting lines. No one in any game has asked me for any subs except Jack who basically has a full roster so I am going to assume these games will be fairly straightforward. In the (hypothetical) first game of the evening, the 6th and 7th seeded teams will look to get on a winning roll as they face each other. Both teams have played better than their record indicates but in a league where rosters are decided by draft, the parity keeps the margins razor-thin. Two exciting battles to watch: Probert vs younger faster Probert (SBJ) and Cherie vs Meg in a preview of the ladies’ scoring title race. I legit have no idea who will win; was going to go with red but Rich teased some sort of revolutionary strategy for green. Then again, Rich is a liar. Let’s go with the Wave to get a much needed victory on the first leg of their doubleheader.

Hungry Hippos (-110)
My Cup Size Is Stanley (-130)
Over 6.0 (-120)
Under 6.0 (-120)

Notes: The Hippos roll into Cup Size stadium (capacity: DD) missing Shelly, Brad and possibly Seb while Cup Size will be without Ariel, Hogg and Hogg’s phantom knee injury. While black is watching the weather closely and monitoring for a possible last minute cancelation yellow has made it known that they intend on playing this game come hell or (literally) high water. With multiple defenders missing it will be up to Neil to carry the scoring load for Cup Size and keep the Josi Bros at bay and it will be up to Dave GDR to keep pace with Max, having one of his world-famous Dave games and frustrating Jenn so much she considers giving him a suspension. I think this game is a toss-up, like most games this weird week, but if I had to pick, I’d take angry Meatbox to pick up a few goals so he’s not shown up by Skinny Braun in the scoring race and give the Hippos a very tight upset victory.

The Goaldiggers (-110)
Crimson Wave (-130)
Over 6.0 (-135)
Under 6.0 (-105)

Notes: The storylines are abound in this one as the blockbuster Paul Chester for Adam Herman swap reaches its logical conclusion here: each player’s first game with their new team is against their old one. Which one will score tonight? Do they have inside info on their former squad’s tendencies? Will they start the game with a brawl at center ice? Nico remains out for the Diggers but Patty currently sits in 5th on the ladies’ scoring list while Nicola has looked great as well. Sully’s move to defense helped stabilize the Wave’s blue line but will they have enough secondary scoring to put a few past Casca? As usual I have no idea if this game is going to be played but Wave games have featured lots of goals for both sides thus far this season so I am definitely taking the over unless McQuade takes it too in which case I am betting the house on the under.

Spicy Tuna Rolls (EVEN)
Sex Panthers (-140)
Over 6.0 (-110)
Under 6.0 (-130)

Notes: The final game of the evening sees the Sex Panthers looking to avenge their only loss of the season, a 5-2 asskicking at the hands of purple that saw Jack put up a hatty and Rockoff become a national hero by diving to prevent an empty netter with 4 seconds left in a three goal game. This time around, the rosters will be mostly full and mostly even; purple will be missing Sena while blue will be without the services of Kelsey. Mike T is questionable but trending towards playing; Corey Blay appears to be in as Jack hasn’t asked me for any 1st round subs in a while although he did ask for Meg to play, presumably because she always looks like an NHL hall of fame caliber player when she’s playing against him. The biggest question of the night is whether Austin will play. His return, like Jesus’, has been foretold for ages but remains shrouded in mystery and prophecy. Is tonight the night? I’ll never tell but whatever the rosters look like, as long as this game is played bet on blue to get some measure of revenge and take control of first place.

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