Weeks 1-4 Box Scores (Summer/Fall 2021)

My Cup Size Is Stanley vs The Barrel

1st Period:
CUP (1-0) – Joe (1) (unassisted) (7:48)
2nd Period:
CUP (2-0) – Jeff Oberg (1) (assisted by Jenn) (4:00)
BAR (1-2) – Derek (1) (unassisted) (4:42)
BAR (2-2) – Amit (1) (assisted by Derek) (5:39)
CUP (3-2) – Jeff Oberg (2) (unassisted) (10:56)
3rd Period:
BAR (3-3) – Sanchick (1) (assisted by Derek) (9:18)
BAR (4-3) – Jack (1) (assisted by Sanchick) (13:40)

GAME NOTES: The first game of the season took place over the course of two weeks as this game got rained out early in the 3rd with cup size clinging to a 3-2 lead. Bad luck for them as when they finally completed the game, they were missing multiple top players. Despite the presence of Max’s possible ringer (he actually wasn’t), the Barrel came back and won in regulation on a goal by Jack with 1:20 left. Sad times for Jenn. Next time her ringer will be more severe.

3rd – Jeff Oberg (2G)
2nd – Sanchick (1G, 1A)
1st – Derek (1G, 2A)

The Sexy Ducks vs The Goaldiggers

1st Period:
DIG (1-0) – Sam McI (1) (assisted by Jon Herman) (14:29)
2nd Period:
DIG (2-0) – Greg (1) (assisted by Dr Dangles) (3:23)
DIG (3-0) – Sam McI (2) (assisted by Greg) (10:16)
SEX (1-3) – Mikey (1) (assisted by AFrey) (11:14)
DIG (4-1) – Yehuda (1) (assisted by Evan) (13:28)
3rd Period:
SEX (2-4) – The Dane Sub Train (1) (assisted by Ariel) (7:10)
SEX (3-4) – Matt Stabel (1) (assisted by Mikey) (11:03)
DIG (5-3) – Sam McI (3) (assisted by Guido) (13:56)

GAME NOTES: Sam McIlwrick put up a hat trick in her first career game. I have to check the records but pretty sure that’s the first time anyone has done that discounting that inaugural Summer ’18 season when everyone was a rookie…blue mounted a comeback in the 3rd period but it was not quite enough as Casca made possibly the save of the year with a split and an outstretched glove on a rebound in front by Stabel…The Dane Train scored a great bar-down goal in front, then celebrated, then told me after the game she was immediately embarrassed by her own celebration. Not sure why, I’ve seen far wilder ones in this league.

3rd – Mikey (1G, 1A)
2nd – Greg (1G, 1A)
1st – Sam McI (3G)

Hungry Hippos vs My Cup Size Is Stanley

1st Period:
CUP (1-0) – Neil (1) (assisted by Nicole H) (4:18)
2nd Period:
CUP (2-0) – Neil (2) (assisted by Paul) (5:43)
3rd Period:
HIP (1-2) – Cheeky (1) (assisted by Dave Liang) (1:30)
HIP (2-2) – Meatbox (1) (assisted by Cheeky) (6:29)
CUP (3-2) – Neil (1) (unassisted) (10:08)
HIP (3-3) – Meatbox (1) (assisted by Sarahbox) (13:06)
Shootout Winner by Dave “Liangbox” Liang

GAME NOTES: Neil followed up his record setting Spring 2021 campaign with a hat trick in this one, but it wasn’t enough for Jenn’s boob team. The Hippos, led by Meatbox, Sarahbox and Cheekbox, tied it in regulation and then, after an overtime where Hicks got stuck in his defensive zone for 40 seconds and hated it, got a shootout goal by Dave “Liangbox” Liang to win it. Truly a great day for Hippos and boxes everywhere.

3rd – Liangbox (Shootout Winner, 1A)
2nd – Meatbox (2G)
1st – Neil (3G)

Orange Royals vs Green Street Hooligans

1st Period:
GSH (1-0) – Probert (1) (unassisted) (0:14)
GSH (2-0) – Jess (1) (unassisted) (8:18)
ROY (1-2) – Mo (1) (PP) (unassisted) (10:28)
2nd Period:
GSH (3-1) – AK (1) (assisted by Dan T) (2:02)
GSH (4-1) – AK (2) (assisted by Robyn) (13:48)
ROY (2-4) – Malik (1) (assisted by Otis) (14:45)
3rd Period:
GSH (5-2) – Austin Lyons (1) (assisted by Probert) (7:52)
GSH (6-2) – Probert (2) (assisted by Robyn) (9:50)
GSH (7-2) – Probert (3) (assisted by Robyn) (10:24)
ROY (3-7) – Tash (1) (assisted by Malik) (13:02)

GAME NOTES: Angry Probert wasted no time scoring off the opening faceoff just 14 seconds into the contest. He then disappointed his legions of fans by notching his first assist since September 17, 2019, almost two full years…AK demonstrated in full detail why Probert gave up so much late round equity to move up and acquire an extra defacto lottery pick and also why I believe he hates the blue franchise…at one point Mo electrified the fans by scoring a goal then running to the bleachers and replenishing his body with a fresh beer. Captains take note; that’s gotta move him up at least 3 full rounds in next year’s draft…Robyn had three points in not just her first D5 game but her first ball hockey game period. DRo brought her into the league so illicit substances may have been involved, the league will investigate.

3rd – AK (2G)
2nd – Robyn (3A)
1st – Angry Probert (3G, 1A)

The Barrel vs My Cup Size Is Stanley

2nd Period:
BAR (1-0) – Jack (2) (unassisted) (1:10)
BAR (2-0) – Derek (2) (assisted by Annie) (2:58)
BAR (3-0) – Annie (1) (assisted by Derek) (8:03)
CUP (1-3) – Brad (1) (assisted by Paul) (10:09)
BAR (4-1) – Henry (1) (assisted by Jack) (13:57)
3rd Period:
BAR (5-1) – Sanchick (2) (unassisted) (1:24)
BAR (6-1) – Annie (2) (assisted by Jack) (2:10)
BAR (7-1) – Sanchick (3) (assisted by Jack) (3:37)
CUP (2-7) – Goose (1) (assisted by Max’s Friend) (11:11)

GAME NOTES: Earlier on this night, Barrel/Cup Size finished the last 10 minutes of their week one game and Barrel came back from down 3-2 to win in regulation. This was the 2nd game for these two teams and Barrel kept it rolling with a dominant 7-2 win. I really don’t have much to say about this game except it was really hot and Max was replaced with about 9 minutes left in the game. It was an asskicking that kicked off what was probably the strangest night of blowouts we’ve had since the 2018 seasons.

3rd – Sanchick (2G)
2nd – Annie (2G, 1A)
1st – Jack (1G, 3A)

The Goaldiggers vs Orange Royals

1st Period:
DIG (1-0) – Tarnow (1) (assisted by Izzy) (9:59)
DIG (2-0) – Dr Dangles (1) (assisted by Jon Herman) (11:00)
2nd Period:
DIG (3-0) – Guido (1) (assisted by Kolenberg) (7:02)
DIG (4-0) – Dr Dangles (2) (assisted by Cantor) (10:26)
3rd Period:
DIG (5-0) – Guido (2) (assisted by Tarnow) (11:38)

GAME NOTES: Believe it or not this game was actually even more lopsided than the 5-0 score would suggest. White probably outshot orange something like 48-7…Casca still gets 1st star even though he faced almost no shots because a shutout is still wildly impressive, especially this season where goalscoring is absolutely through the roof and multiple league records are certain to get destroyed. Enjoy the current all-time stats before they are completely ripped in half…the return of Dr Dangles in this game was electric. Ramy will see it in his nightmares and his most erotic of dreams.

3rd – Tarnow (1G, 1A)
2nd – Guido (2G)
1st – Casca (W, SO)

Green Street Hooligans vs Hungry Hippos

1st Period:
HIP (1-0) – Lily (1) (unassisted) (12:05)
HIP (2-0) – Tracy (1) (assisted by Reape) (14:55)
2nd Period:
GSH (1-2) – AK (3) (assisted by Ramy) (5:59)
HIP (3-1) – Reape (1) (assisted by Tracy) (7:11)
GSH (2-3) – Pags (1) (assisted by AK) (11:02)
3rd Period:
GSH (3-3) – Ramy (1) (assisted by Annie) (4:44)
GSH (4-3) – Nestor (1) (unassisted) (11:03)
GSH (5-3) – Pags (2) (EN) (unassisted) (14:24)

GAME NOTES: Ah yes the lone competitive game of the evening. With a patchwork lineup and Probie out of action the Hooligans still pulled off a come-from-behind victory in a game where they twice trailed by two goals. AK and Pags both put up a goal and an assist in the victory…Lily scored the opening goal, but I was more impressed that she answered an email from Hicks…honestly the amount of goal scoring that is happening in this league these days is nuts and has made box scores so much more intense to put together. If drugs didn’t exist I don’t know how I’d do it.

3rd – Nestor (GWG)
2nd – AK (1G, 1A)
1st – Pags (1G, 1A)

Frothing Hyenas vs The Sexy Ducks

1st Period:
SEX (1-0) – Sam (1) (assisted by AFrey) (6:01)
SEX (2-0) – Sam (2) (assisted by AFrey) (14:00)
SEX (3-0) – Sam (3) (assisted by Chris) (14:52)
2nd Period:
SEX (4-0) – Ariel (1) (assisted by Mikey) (9:28)
SEX (5-0) – Ariel (2) (assisted by Sam) (11:39)
3rd Period:
SEX (6-0) – Ariel (3) (unassisted) (1:29)
SEX (7-0) – AFrey (1) (PP) (assisted by Mikey) (3:54)
SEX (8-0) – AFrey (2) (assisted by Mikey) (5:02)
FROT (1-8) – Scott (1) (assisted by Yehuda) (8:46)
FROT (2-8) – Josh (1) (assisted by Yehuda) (14:39)

GAME NOTES: For the final game of the evening we combine the two themes that have dominated the night: high scoring games and asskickings…Sam, in his first career D5 game, put up a 1st period natural hat trick. Ariel, jealous of Sam’s many goals, responded with a natural hat trick of his own…Mikey two free points on faceoff wins directly to me. After scoring a grand total of one point last season he’s picked up three in his first two games with blue…Wagner played hard til the final whistle and was rewarded with a goal with 21 seconds left. His trade value at an all-time high, he was immediately dealt in the biggest mid-season trade in league history as the Hyenas swapped goal scoring for defense in sending him and Cherie out west for Danilo and Courtney.

3rd – AFrey (2G, 2A)
2nd – Ariel (3G)
1st – Sam (3G, 1A)

The Sexy Ducks vs Green Street Hooligans

1st Period:
SEX (1-0) – Matt Stabel (2) (assisted by Sam) (3:39)
SEX (2-0) – Matt Stabel (3) (assisted by Sam) (4:36)
GSH (1-2) – Eric (1) (assisted by Jess) (6:23)
GSH (2-2) – Probie (4) (assisted by Shannon) (7:45)
2nd Period:
SEX (3-2) – Matt Stabel (4) (assisted by Sam) (5:54)
SEX (4-2) – Sam (4) (assisted by Caitlin) (9:58)
GSH (3-4) – AK (4) (assisted by Pags) (14:51)
3rd Period:
SEX (5-3) – Rockoff (1) (assisted by Nicki) (11:08)
SEX (6-3) – Sam (5) (EN) (unassisted) (14:06)

GAME NOTES: Ocean City hangovers abound as another high scoring game went down on 96th street. Stabel scored a hat trick (possibly his first career one in D5), Sam had five points and despite the best efforts of AK, Probie and a loaded Hooligans squad plus my worst ball hockey game in several years, the Ducks were able to hang on for a 6-3 win.

3rd – AK (1G)
2nd – Matt Stabel (3G)
1st – Sam (2G, 3A)

The Barrel vs Frothing Hyenas

1st Period:
BAR (1-0) – Waldman (1) (assisted by Abby) (2:43)
BAR (2-0) – Carly (1) (assisted by Abby) (3:06)
BAR (3-0) – Joel (1) (assisted by Jack) (8:16)
BAR (4-0) – Waldman (2) (assisted by Davis) (11:28)
BAR (5-0) – Waldman (3) (assisted by Jack) (13:06)
FROT (1-5) – Ariel (1) (unassisted) (13:47)
BAR (6-1) – Lauren (1) (unassisted) (14:45)
2nd Period:
BAR (7-1) – Carly (2) (assisted by Waldman) (6:57)
FROT (2-7) – Ariel (2) (unassisted) (8:47)
BAR (8-2) – Derek (3) (assisted by Chris Fullam) (11:19)
BAR (9-2) – Lauren (2) (assisted by Waldman) (13:53)
3rd Period:
FROT (3-9) – Steve Rys (1) (assisted by Caitlin) (6:48)
FROT (4-9) – Riegler (1) (assisted by Scott Metz) (11:02)

GAME NOTES: In a season packed with high scoring affairs this one tied the all-time record for highest scoring game and realistically could have easily broken it if it was a closer contest in the 3rd period when purple chose sportsmanship over a spot in the record books…free agent Waldman put up a 1st period hat trick along with two assists, making everyone who plays forward full-time look bad in the process…after 6 seasons, multiple 1st round selections and a Leetch award, Ariel finally got to sub in his last game before finally moving to Florida and made it count with two goals. He’ll be back once a month to dangle a few players and remind all of us to pile into VRAR shares.

3rd – Ariel (2G)
2nd – Carly (2G)
1st – Waldman (3G, 2A)

My Cup Size Is Stanley vs The Goaldiggers

1st Period:
CUP (1-0) – Mike Wright (1) (unassisted) (5:43)
CUP (2-0) – Goose (2) (assisted by Jeff Oberg) (10:01)
DIG (1-2) – Yehuda (2) (assisted by Cantor) (12:10)
2nd Period:
DIG (2-2) – Greg (2) (assisted by Izzy) (7:00)
CUP (3-2) – Nicole H (1) (assisted by Paul) (14:38)
3rd Period:
DIG (3-3) – Jon Herman (1) (assisted by Evan) (0:59)
CUP (4-3) – Nicole H (2) (assisted by Joe) (3:18)

GAME NOTES: An overtime thriller which saw the Goaldiggers erase two deficits only for Nicole H to go bar-down in overtime to give Cup Size their first victory of the season. I don’t remember much about this game except the majesty of the bar-down goal and everyone yelling at Nestor while he reffed. Big win for black though as they give white their first loss of the season.

3rd – Jon Herman (1G)
2nd – Joe (1A)
1st – Nicole H (2G)

Hungry Hippos vs Orange Royals

1st Period:
ROY (1-0) – Adam Herman (1) (assisted by Tash) (12:37)
2nd Period:
HIP (1-1) – Meatbox (3) (assisted by Tony D) (5:20)
ROY (2-1) – Sean Gavin (1) (assisted by Cherie) (13:14)
3rd Period:
ROY (3-1) – Jeff Oberg (1) (assisted by Sean Gavin) (7:29)

GAME NOTES: Just hours after the Royals-Hyenas trade was announced, Cherie made an electric surprise appearance in this game and helped lead the Royals to their first win of the season…Sean “Saucy” Gavin picked up his first career D5 goal when he stole the ball from new teammate Cherie and fired it low blocker. More impressive was his one touch pass to Jeff (subbing in for Orange) for a breakaway goal. While yellow arguably had the better of possession, the Royals held on and gutted out a much needed victory….Royals actually almost had a 4th goal which was scored by Ramy, the best agent in the game, at the 2nd period buzzer. Refs initially called it a goal but a Hippos challenge was successful as the video showed it going in just after the buzzer…incredibly this win vaults the Royals all the way up to 5th place in the standings. They would go on to face the Ducks in the week 5 early game while the Hippos would have a Rosh Hashanah bye even though Hicks is one of the least Jewish men I’ve ever met in my life.

3rd – Tash (1A)
2nd – Zisser (1 GA)
1st – Sean Gavin (1G, 1A)

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