My Cup Size Is Stanley (-105)
Green Street Hooligans (-135)
Over 6.0 (-130)
Under 6.0 (-110)
Notes: This game will be played as one of the final two minigames (7 minute periods) to wrap up the season. The only hesitation in making these minigames was Wes’ pursuit of his first scoring title but considering the guy he’s chasing missed a game, it works out pretty nicely. Anyways this is a must-win game for black, a defacto play-in game. They must get a regulation win to advance to the playoffs and knock orange out. Anything less than that and they finish in last while the Royals survive and move on at 8:30. Black will have to beat a Hooligans team that’s been hot all season and will have to do so without Jeff and Corey. New Rainbows goalie Mike Sliwka will sub in for this game and for whomever plays at 8:30, be it black or orange, but the Hooligans seem to have everyone in the lineup tonight and must be considered the favorites. Also this piece at the last minute has turned into a collab so here’s Jess and Rich “hope you didn’t wish him a happy brithday” Glanzer with more:
Jess: As previously stated, God hates
us Frey and hammered D5 with rain all season. Thus, we have 2 cluster fuck mini games taking place before the actual games on Tuesday. This can’t possibly go wrong.
Not sure how a team with Shelly, Cherie, Jeff, and Metz can be considered under dogs but they certainly are in this game. If the Hooligans are at full strength it should be an easy win for them as they’ve been cruising along smoothly all season with or without Probie. HOWEVER Cup Size came out strong against Sex last week and shocked the word with an early multi-goal lead. Sex was able to steal back the win but they were certainly surprised.
Jeff to score a hat trick: +500
Jeff to call someone a bad word: -500
Wes to play with both hands on his stick: +250
Glnzr: “Not sure how a team with Shelly, Cherie, Jeff, and Metz can be considered under dogs” When the other team have good players too is the answer.
Alex: It’s a shame Jeff isn’t playing because I would’ve put good money on that line. The bad word one, not the hat trick one.
The Grapes (+140)
Green Street Hooligans (-200)
Over 6.0 (-130)
Under 6.0 (-110)
Alex: This game will be the final game of the regular season. It’s unfortunate for a few reasons: first because I had scheduled Jack and I to be the last game of the season when I redid everything two weeks ago and we were going to celebrate the end of the spring by funneling multiple whiteclaws at center after the game. Also unfortunate that Jack will not be here at all tonight as he went to a wedding last weekend and is still missing. Grapes are already in the playoffs but a regulation win here would move them up to 5th place while any other result keeps them in the 6/7 matchup against the Kraken.
Jess: Jack once told me ‘psychological warfare is all a team needs to win’ and while it’s a tactic that seems to be somewhat working for purple I’m not sure they can penetrate the steel trap minds of Green. I’m a little bored writing this preview so fuck it here’s a meme:
Glanzer: Why does Jack hate playoffs?
East River Kraken (-135)
Over 8.0 (-130)
Under 8.0 (-110)
Alex: If the opponent is the grapes, the more likely scenario, I think Kraken should be favored as they outplayed the Grapes in the season opener before getting gassed in the 3rd and losing in OT and Grapes won’t have Jack this time around. On the other hand maybe losing Jack will inspire the team either via Ewing Theory or because they secretly want to fight him. TBD. If the opponent is the Mavericks they must be considered the favorite after their strong finish to the season that included a 6-3 win over these Kraken two weeks ago.
Jess: 7:30 SCENARIO 1 Kraken v Mavericks
I don’t think anybody thought these teams would be hard to beat in the beginning of the season but I think this will be a great matchup….if it happens. Both are scrappy with fast style of play and tough defenders. Also fun fact, Cat Boyd has scored in the last 2 games for the Kraken so…
Cat to score in her 3rd game in a row +150
Henry to take credit for Cat’s goal +250
7:30 SCENARIO 2 Kraken v Grapes
This would also be fun to watch! Wow hockey, so fun, love when friends come together and play against each other. Wait just kidding this isn’t BTSH— let’s see some blood.
Danillo/Joel/Braun combined goals and assists are more than 3 +200
Jack/AK/Kev combined goals and assists are more than 3 -200
Alex: I would make Cat to score in her 3rd game in a row +200 and Henry to take credit -200. But that’s some solid oddsmaking. I would also say Joel/Danilo/Braun are more likely to hit the 3 number as Jack isn’t here tonight and I think the Kraken will win that matchup if it goes down.
Cup Size/Royals (+115)
Over 8.0 (-145)
Under 8.0 (EVEN)
Alex: Too many permutations for me to overthink this line. Let’s just say that I’d expect the 5 to beat the 8, as they usually do, and for the game to be fairly high scoring because these are all offense-first teams.
Jess: 8:30 SCENARIO 1 Royals v Mavericks
Malik’s brain ^
Alex: Gotta add a lot more sex thoughts to that brain.
Jess: 8:30 SCENARIO 2 Royals v Grapes
Russo (and ¾ of the team) won’t be here for jack to rattle
Alex: Yea all the Royals absences are frankly shocking but they still have a solid roster showing up tonight – Scotty, Pags, Adam Herman and Louis from Fresh Kills as the playoff replacement for Derek on the men’s side, Meg with Shannon/Vanessa GTDs on the lady side and Mike from Rainbows subbing in net. They need a Cup Size loss to even make it this far but if they do, it’ll be with a solid, albeit short roster. Come to think of it, solid albeit short is how I would describe Jess’ hockey ability as well.
Jess: 8:30 SCENARIO 3 Cup Size v Mavericks
This can be applied to EITHER TEAM SO NOBODY CAN GET MAD AT ME
8:30 SCENARIO 4 Cup size v Grapes
Shelly v Jack i’m taking shelly all day
Glnzr: DO NOT USE THAT POSE AS AN INSULT TO JACK!!! GOOD DOGGIES POSE LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME!!!!
Alex: Wow this preview really went off the rails.
Over 8.0 (-145)
Under 8.0 (EVEN)
Notes: It looks like Jess/Glanzer used up their quota of memes/dog pics. Well, there is actually one more.
Ok now that we’re done with the meme section, the preview section which will be even shorter since I don’t know even one of the teams that is guaranteed to play in this game. My personal odds would be 60% chance it’s blue, 40% chance it’s green on one side, then 60% chance it’s Kraken, 20% chance it’s Grapes and 20% chance it’s Mavericks. I think either blue or green would be favored in any of these matchups but not by a lot as the gap between the top and bottom teams is a lot smaller this season than the parity-polcalypse last season. Both green and blue won tight contests over red but red has been much improved over the past month of the season. Krak and Grapes both lost to Sex and Hooligans as well. I would have to go chalk here and lean towards the high seed but once again, who the hell knows what’s going to happen. A common theme of the evening really.
Hungry Hippos (-130)
Mavs/Cup Size/Royals/Grapes (-110)
Over 7.5 (-140)
Under 7.5 (EVEN)
Notes: It’s nice to know at least one of the teams involved here, the Hippos. The identity of the other one is a mystery but it’s most likely the Mavericks. And that being the case, this game would be a total toss-up. On the chance that it’s the Grapes, Royals or Cup Size, Hippos would be favored and by a decent margin but odds seem to favor an electric west coast 4/5 game featuring two explosive offenses and a rematch of the Hippos 2-1 OT win a month and a half ago and a coinflip game. Yellow will be playing without Jon Herman and Robyn but otherwise should have most of their lineup in. I think I would take the Mavs if they have a full roster showing up for the first time all year; otherwise, assuming a couple absences here and there (likely Ludwig), I think the Hippos can do just enough here to pick up a tight win and advance to their first final four in almost three full years.