Week 9 Half-Assed Betting Lines (Summer 2022)

Probert once named a team “The Rainy Day Kids Club,” wore these umbrella hats and completely ruined my life.

Julie’s Football Club (-120)
Red Rockets (-120)

Over 5.5 (-110)
Under 5.5 (-130)

Notes: What a weird night this is going to be. Red currently has 4 guys, 3 girls plus Yehuda subbing while orange has 1 girl and no idea who will show up in time for this game. Red’s using Eli Karp in net where apparently he has some experience idk. There have been quite a few McQuade specials throughout the years but I legitimately have no clue how to handicap anything about this game: who will win, who will play, if both teams will be mad at me because there are no subs available, if this game is 4 on 4 or 5 on 5…who the hell knows. The chance of rain goes up every hour as does the chance of my impending suicide. It’s been real.

Pink Lemonade (-160)
The Goaldiggers (+120)

Over 5.5 (-135)
Under 5.5 (-105)

Notes: White has 7 total players tonight and will badly need a couple subs. Pink has Cherie, Avery and Danilo all in plus Dan T, drafted as a defenseman, once again subbing in goal after jumping in in an emergency effort Tuesday and proving surprisingly adept in net (turns out he played in high school, who knew). That’s good enough for me to make pink the favorite and assume Tarnow will continue paying the penance from the deal he made with the devil last season to get Miles in the finals.

The Walleyes (-110)
Julie’s Football Club (-130)
Over 5.5 (-130)

Under 5.5 (-110)

Notes: Jack will be without a few players but assuming I can get Julie a decent girl sub both teams should be alright. This was the long awaited Louis v George matchup but with Louis a late scratch due to absurd circumstance. Jack will also be using Ridzik in net, McQuade’s buddy from high school, an avid flipcup player and a true degen gambler. I think he’ll fit in quite well.

The Goaldiggers (+115)
My Cup Size Is Stanley (-160)
Over 6.5 (-135)

Under 6.5 (-105)

Notes: This game is supposedly being played 4v4 with black missing I’m not sure who because Jenn’s attendance report has been wildly unreliable while Tarnow has 7 players on the roster. I don’t even know what to think about this night. Someone bring tequila.

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