Hungry Hippos 2.0 (-140)
Chili Peppers (EVEN)
Over 5.5 (-110)
Under 5.5 (-130)
Notes: I’m fielding nonstop texts about whether we’re playing tonight or not and checking the weather report like old times (RIP decent D5 weather: September 2022-April 2023) so these previews are going to be as half-assed as the Rangers’ effort last night. Well, not that bad because if that were the case they would have been over already but I will do my best to write something coherent while crying in the shower.
Sam appears to be in town for red so obviously they are apt to play this game even if a lightning storm breaks out in the 1st period (we actually played through one in our first season. Good times). Meanwhile black will be short but still have most of their big guns with Hicks, Hogg, Stabel, Satok, Tom White, Lucas, Evan, Abby and Nicki in for this game. Red was ultra impressive last week in taking blue to OT even without Sam but the court probably being somewhat slick negates their speed advantage and gives black the edge. Hippos in a tight one.
BONUS LINES
More Points In Game
Sam + Tarnow (+105)
Hicks + Hogg (-150)
Will Matt Stabel Record A Point?
Yes (-120)
No (-120)
Will Testicle Man (Hicks) Score A Goal?
Yes (-130)
No (-110)
Will Sam Score A Goal?
Yes (-130)
No (-110)
Hungry Hippos 2.0 (-155)
MelRose Place (+115)
Over 5.5 (-120)
Under 5.5 (-120)
Notes: The same Hippos squad from 6:00 will play again against MelRose unless Dewey mysteriously returns from his latest sojourn. I love the guy from our days playing in the terrible Mofo league (RIP) and especially love his slow torture of Hicks which will never stop being entertaining.
Brings to mind this Rangers meme. Legitimately, put in the above 3 lines into each panel of the comic and it’s quite beautiful. I would do it if I wasn’t so stressed/sad.
Anywho, neon yellow will have their full roster minus Danilo. Thus, this game will be a classic case study in whether it’s better to have a mostly full roster but missing one of your all-stars, or a short roster but with most of your top players. I’m confidently betting on the latter. Black to win and vault into 2nd place in the standings. Testicles for all!
BONUS LINES
More Points In Game
Wes + Sean Kittridge (EVEN)
Hicks + Hogg (-145)
Will Matt Reape Record A Point?
Yes (-120)
No (-120)
Will Hogg Score A Goal?
Yes (-140)
No (EVEN)
Will Wes Score A Goal?
Yes (-140)
No (EVEN)
MelRose Place (EVEN)
Chili Peppers (-145)
Over 5.5 (-110)
Under 5.5 (-130)
Notes: Speaking of movies Hicks has seen before, Jeff Green is apparently last minute missing the entire playoffs. Tough times for red as we will conduct a search for a fair goalie sub for the first netminder off the board in this year’s draft. In the meantime though he should be around tonight and will face yellow in the 2nd game of the evening for both teams. Also the battle of the top two picks, Sam and Wes, who have played a combined four games this season. It’s tempting to pick yellow as a contrarian play and because Sam for some reason taunts me about the Rangers not acquiring Joel Edmunson so much that I suspect he may be an early investor in RoyalVet, but I just think red is too strong and the loss of Danilo is big for MelRose. Chili Peppers in a tight one. If we allowed same game parlays, red ML with Sam and Wes anytime goal scorers would be a good bet at about +300.
Medium Rare (EVEN)
The Narwhals (-140)
Over 7.5 (+105)
Under 7.5 (-150)
Notes: Pink will be missing Source, Rockoff and Santo but otherwise should have a full lineup in tow for Cam’s season debut. Jack has no idea where Corey is an thinks he may be in Miami although that is completely unconfirmed. If he can’t go then purple defender/flex player Jacob will step in the net. If he can’t go, Jack will step in the net. Purple’s strategy of drafting multiple flex goalies every year is paying off as is their strategy of stacking Jack/Annie/Tom onto one high scoring, high quantity of jibbers line. But the last time these teams met, pink steamrolled them early in jumping out to a 5 goal lead before purple made the end score a respectable 7-5, easily the highest scoring game of this season. I legit have no idea how this game will go but the over seems like an amazing bet so I am jacking it up to massive levels. This box score is going to take me forever to write up. Ugh.
BONUS LINES
More Points In Game
Tom McGuire (+110)
Jason Campbell (-155)
More Points In Game
Annie (+110)
Brita (-155)
Will Annie Record A Point?
Yes (-130)
No (-110)
Jack Points In Game
Over 1.5 (-120)
Under 1.5 (-120)
Oberg Points + Penalty Minutes
Over 3.5 (-215)
Under 3.5 (+155)
Shooting Blancs (+145)
The Narwhals (-190)
Over 5.5 (-110)
Under 5.5 (-130)
Notes: Simon has gone from not coming back as captain next season to telling anyone who will listen that white isn’t losing any more games. It truly is quite a turnaround.
White has indeed looked like a different team with Cara and a healthy McCauley, but purple has been great all season and I don’t think playing the 2nd game of a doubleheader will really affect them because a lot of them aren’t running all that much anyways (cue Jack spending his night in Ovi’s office like this bizarre TikTok I stumbled across the other day). Purple to break white’s losing streak and move into the top 3, setting up an electric stretch run. TikTok about to be lit.
UPDATE: McCauley out to rest his knee. Line shifting towards purple.
BONUS LINES
More Points In Game
Simon + Cara (+130)
Jack + Annie (-175)
Will Adam Herman Record A Point?
Yes (-120)
No (-120)
Will Andreas Record A Point?
Yes (-105)
No (-135)