1) Red Zeppelin
Previous Rank: 1 (unchanged)
Average Rank: 1.57
Highest Rank: 1
Lowest Rank: 3
Standard Deviation: 0.79
1st Place Votes: 4 of 7
Comments: Red is looking to go wire-to-wire as the #1 team in the Power Rankings and with a #2 seed in the standings and just one week til the end of the regular season, they just might do it. Offense, defense, goaltending, men, women, children – like one of Stefon’s hidden clubs, this team has everything. Losing Carter for playoffs is going to sting but there’s enough depth here that it shouldn’t matter. This team has final four written all over it.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“A strong, physical team with a lot of talent all around. Hopefully, these rankings go to Nate’s head and cause his team’s demise.”
“This team has really bought in to the Nate Lerner system. They’re revolutionizing the way D5 hockey is played.” (editor’s note: I’ll give you one guess who wrote this monstrosity)
2) Blueberry Bulldogs
Previous Rank: 3 (up 1)
Average Rank: 2.29
Highest Rank: 1
Lowest Rank: 4
Standard Deviation: 1.25
1st Place Votes: 2 of 7
Comments: No one’s really been that excited about blue all season but at this point they have no choice but to rank them highly. #1 in the standings, #2 goals scored, #2 in goals against and #1 in goal differential, yet the Bulldogs don’t really dominate games. They just find ways to grind out wins which should come in handy come playoff time.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Begrudgingly accept that they have a very good team.”
“I thought they wouldn’t be good but they are. Frey has proved me wrong yet again. It will not be the last time.”
3) Vegas Golden Knights
Previous Rank: 5 (up 2)
Average Rank: 2.71
Highest Rank: 2
Lowest Rank: 3
Standard Deviation: 0.49
Comments: Before the season I ranked blue and Vegas as the top two teams in the league. Was it because I drafted both? Well, maybe. But it’s also because they’re the two strongest defensive cores in the league with elite goaltending to boot. The depth of Vegas has been something to behold this season and they seem to be hitting their stride heading into the playoffs.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Frey somehow managed to stack the team that was not his.”
“A nightmare to defend. Whoever accepted the trade that made this team so deep is a fool and has doomed us all.”
4) Hungry Hippos 2.0
Previous Rank: 2 (down 2)
Average Rank: 4.29
Highest Rank: 1
Lowest Rank: 6
Standard Deviation: 1.70
1st Place Votes: 1 of 7
Comments: Hippos haven’t played in weeks but still get the respect of a very high ranking. Though they’re only 6th in the standings, they’re up 4-1 on white with just over half the game left to play with their only other remaining contest against a very shorthanded purple team. They should be able to attain top four seeding and their offense will be difficult to contain come playoff time.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Studs on offense, but weakness in team defense showed against Lamas. Pretty sure Satok is the only one who backchecks.”
“Hippos have good offense. Satok has been on a tear is season and i like him a lot. Jack is healthy again which is a big threat. Their crux will be between the pipes. If they can get good and on time goaltending I can see them going pretty far. Playoffs is about two things, defense and goaltending. Can Hippos bring it? Not sure, middle of the pack for them because of this.”
5) Julie’s Football Club
Previous Rank: 4 (down 1)
Average Rank: 5.71
Highest Rank: 3
Lowest Rank: 7
Standard Deviation: 1.60
Comments: Orange is the definition of upper-middle-class; they’re not rocking an Aston Martin by any means, but there’s nothing wrong with a nice Lexus. That said, AJ, Tash and Jo Robin are a sturdy top 3 and Julie’s proven to be a capable captain. It wouldn’t surprise anyone to see them make a deep run.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Their top players have missed a lot of games. That’s not the kind of buy-in you want.”
“They’re a solid team but don’t have as much firepower as some of the higher-ranked teams.”
6) MelRose Place
Previous Rank: 8 (up 2)
Average Rank: 5.86
Highest Rank: 4
Lowest Rank: 8
Standard Deviation: 1.35
Comments: MelRose always seems to draft well but underachieve in the regular season. This time around though they’re hovering near the top of the standings and are playing some of their best hockey in recent weeks. If Scott kicks it into a higher gear in the postseason the way he does in tournaments, they’ll be an interesting team to watch.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Amazing vibes team; all their players (that show up) are clicking together on the court and learning valuable D5 partying skills off the court. They can be unstoppable now that they have buy-in from Scott.”
“Mel has like 5 sleepers and not only did she not get a 16th round pick but her 15th round pick quit before game 1. Still won’t win.” (editors note: way harsh Tai)
7) Merry Pranksters
Previous Rank: 7 (unchanged)
Average Rank: 6.00
Highest Rank: 4
Lowest Rank: 8
Standard Deviation: 1.41
Comments: Perhaps the league’s most explosive team surprisingly doesn’t get much respect in these ranks. I had tie dye at #4 but that was as good as it got for them in this week’s survey. Gelman was able to hit on a few sleepers (no, not in that way) and the playoffs are now slated for 8/22, meaning Derek should be there. When they’re at their best, they can outscore anyone in the league.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Much better than we all thought. I’m still a hater. I don’t think they’ll go far.
“They beat Red but have 4 regulation losses. Not great Bob!“
8) Shooting Blancs
Previous Rank: 6 (down 2)
Average Rank: 8.57
Highest Rank: 7
Lowest Rank: 10
Standard Deviation: 1.27
Comments: The Blancs jump from 11th to 8th in the standings after two wins on Friday night, and that’s where they land in the power ranks. McCauley’s return makes this team significantly more dangerous and if Jacob plays the way he has the past week, they could certainly make some noise in the postseason.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Blancs are tough to pinpoint where they should be. They have arguably the hardest schedule out of em all. McCauley missed half of the season and every game he’s been in they’ve won. Blancs look amazing with McCauley, just how good is he? I hope I’ll be as good as him when I’m older. They’re a deep team with tremendous bench vibes, they could be a dark horse in the playoffs. In the medical field, vasectomies are never 100% effective so the Blancs could be shooting swimmers at any time.”
“Cara should start hiding Simon’s weed before the games.” (editors note: and before he writes rambling McCauley love letters as well)
9) The Lavender Llamas
Previous Rank: 9 (unchanged)
Average Rank: 9.00
Highest Rank: 7
Lowest Rank: 10
Standard Deviation: 1.15
Comments: The worst luck in the league as lavender has had their top 5 picks together for only one game all season: an electric 7-6 comeback victory over the then first place Hippos. Sam’s in Montreal for the next week and a half, Phelps is traveling the country and Wagner’s out for the season with a torn ACL. I still wouldn’t want to face them in the playoffs but it certainly does look like they’re destined to start in the play-ins.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Llamas are tough, they rarely have all their guys show up but when they do, they’re a force out there. Can Phelps show up to games? Attendance will be the deciding factor for them.”
“Who needs Sam when you have Annie popping off on 4 goal games?”
9) Hubba Bubba
Previous Rank: 10 (up 1)
Average Rank: 9.00
Highest Rank: 8
Lowest Rank: 10
Standard Deviation: 0.82
Comments: Pink has been jekyll and hyde all year, looking great in a win over Vegas and an almost win over blue, but also looking brutal in 3-0 and 6-0 shutout losses on the same night two weeks ago. Ultimately this team will go as far as the top line of Neil, Stern and Brita will take them and they have to hope the defense and goaltending (whomever the goalie ends up being) hold up enough for them to win a couple postseason games.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Neil and Stern are a fantastic duo on the court.”
“I love Pink, a great team vibe and most importantly a decent defense. If Neil and Stern show up, they’re a good team. They might have this amazing goalie for their run, that would help them a lot. If they can figure out their scoring a big more then they’re a scary team to face. Just ask Vegas.”
11) Green Street Hooligans
Previous Rank: 11 (unchanged)
Average Rank: 11.00
Highest Rank: 11
Lowest Rank: 11
Standard Deviation: 0.00
Comments: Amazingly we have two teams with a 0 standard deviation, completely unprecedented in the history of D5 Power Rankings. Every single ranker ranked green #11 and the comments were…less than favorable. They are amazingly the only team to beat blue but did so on the back of an incredible performance by Simon, with their other two wins against the last place Mensches. In their five other games, they’ve been outscored 31-7. To put this even more in perspective, they have three times as many losses by four or more goals as the Mensches do. I still like the talent on this roster, but reality is starting to set in: this team is just not that into you, you being a metaphor for winning.
Comment From Anonymous Ranker:
“They don’t jive together. Maybe they’d be better if this was a flip cup league.” (editor’s note: not from the footage I’ve seen)
12) The Mighty Mensches
Previous Rank: 12 (unchanged)
Average Rank: 12.00
Highest Rank: 12
Lowest Rank: 12
Standard Deviation: 0.00
Comments: Our second team with a 0 standard deviation as all 7 rankers put maroon last. It’s been three full weeks since they played with their team on a Tuesday night so who knows what tomorrow will bring. Funnily enough, I’m still more confident in them winning a playoff game than green.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“At least it looks like they’re having more fun out there than green.”
“Time to look for a Mormon team.”