The Sharks (-125)
My Cup Size Is Stanley (-115)
Over 6.5 (-135)
Under 6.5 (-105)
Notes: I know I often make fun of AI art in this space but I have to say, ChatGPT really outdid itself with this one. Anyways, this game features the highest scoring team taking on the best defensive team. Incredibly, it’s Jenn’s team who has the most goals per game while Jack’s has the best defense, albeit in a fairly small sample size. The over/under for this game is a complete nightmare to figure out but I’m going to staple it to the standard 6.5 with slight juice on the over as I think purple’s defense is more primed for regression than black’s offense. As for the game itself – Sharks are ostensibly in last place but I believe that too is misleading. This is going to be the first game they have anything close to a full lineup and I’m expecting Jack and Annie to combine for at least 3 goals. Close to toss-up territory in what certainly looks and smells like a trap line but give me the Sharks to pull the (kind of) upset.
Sexperts (-150)
The MilkMob (EVEN)
Over 6.5 (-110)
Under 6.5 (-130)
Notes: This might set a record for largest combined benches as both teams have what appears to be every single player in for this. That said, a few late scratches for blue have moved this line a bit as Jenna is confirmed out and Sam’s flight was cancelled, leaving him a GTD on his new flight which has already been delayed once. Jaimie will sub for Jenna but if Sam is out there will be no sub for him. A very tough line to make with arguably the league’s top player’s attendance hanging in the balance so I’m just going to play it safe and set it close to toss-up territory. The MilkMob have been playing lights out defense for most of their games while blue has done anything but, but I have a feeling this game is going under. Not setting a line for cow milking cellys in this one as I think they are almost guaranteed.
Tropic Thunder (-105)
The Sharks (-135)
Over 6.5 (-120)
Under 6.5 (-120)
Notes: A rematch of two weeks ago when Tropic Thunder pulled away with a super tight 1-0 decision, this game is likely to be far higher scoring because, well, it’s Jack vs Hicks. I still can’t believe those two could ever play a game with one combined goal, and it wasn’t even by either of them. Anyways, whenever these guys are captains they request a 3 game series against each other and with Tropic Thunder winning game 1, I have to think Sharks are going to tie it up here. It seems unfathomable to me that it wouldn’t go to a deciding Game 3 on the final night of the season. Give me Sharks to win. TBD on the over/under which feels like a trap no matter which way you bet it.
Red Sabbath (+1.5 Goals) (-110)
Sexperts (-1.5 Goals) (-130)
Over 6.5 (-110)
Under 6.5 (-130)
Notes: Sonj will be in net for red, as is tradition, while Sam is once again a GTD for blue but seems to think he’ll make it, although anyone who had to fly back from Nashville in August will tell you that you never know when a swift fucking from the airline industry is in order. Red has been better than expected this season and has won two of their last three with only a loss on a Friday night to the 1st place Pranksters. Sunday they ended Bean’s five game win streak with a last minute regulation victory, even with both of their ladies out and much lower drafted ones subbing in. Red always comes with speed and the chemistry borne of having their core play together for several years now which makes them a tough out, even in seasons where I’ve come away kind of unimpressed by their draft. If Sam is in I think blue takes it by two. If he is delayed and misses the game I think red covers. Either way, under is likely the bet.
Tropic Thunder (+1.5 Goals) (-120)
The Grassholes (-1.5 Goals) (-120)
Over 7.0 (-125)
Under 7.0 (-115)
Notes: The last game of the night sees Tropic Thunder take on the Grassholes who, with a win of 3 or more goals, can take back sole possession of 1st place in the standings. Jaimie will, unless she bails, play her 3rd game of the evening for Tropic Thunder while Geskin will sub in goal for green as Corey continues to nurse a knee injury from a few weeks ago. Not coincidentally, green’s recent semi-slide has lined up perfectly with Corey’s injury. Jake really just can’t buy a break when it comes to goalies in this league. I really like the look of this green team and believe they are a legit contender but I also think the public is likely severely undervaluing camo in the season with the most parity I’ve honestly ever seen in this league. No idea which way this game goes but seeing as it’s the last game of the night, I’m expecting it to get weird and hitting the over. See ya tonight.