All Time Records Update Post (2025 Edition)

Since it’s likely that no one except a few true sickos check the All Time Records & Achievements page with any regularity, here’s some info on what’s changed and what’s stayed the same since the last update (about a year ago) and what you can look forward to milestone-wise in the coming seasons.

First, the big one – all time points.

All Time Scoring Leaders (Regular Season)

Rank	Name	GP	Goals	Assists	Points
1	Hicks	147	133	77	210
2	Jack	123	101	59	160
3	Sam	78	69	83	152
4	Mike Tarnow	133	46	87	133
5	Neil	91	83	43	126
6	Cherie	136	53	63	116
7	Alex	131	49	63	112
8	Probie	68	80	27	107
9	Sam Gelman	68	81	24	105
10	Guido	62	76	25	101
11	Ryan Levine	47	54	45	99
12	Derek	53	54	42	96
13	Mike Stern	73	67	25	92
14	Wes	53	57	34	91
15	Annie	105	46	44	90
16	Adam Satok	71	46	38	84
17	Dave Liang	87	44	35	79
18	Alex Rockoff	104	46	32	78
19	Tom Fitz	52	42	35	77
20	Matt Russo	126	35	40	75
21	Jason Campbell	55	52	20	72
22	Meg	50	37	33	70
23	Minsky	43	49	18	67
24	Miles	30	42	23	65
25	Scott Metz	138	39	26	65

As I wrote last season – as long as Hicks can continue to avoid moving to the suburbs and dying (aka “The Probert”), no one’s going to catch him anytime soon. The only player who had a chance to do it while both were playing was Sammy but with him recently taking his talents to South Beach, it’s Hicks’ leaderboard and we’re all just living in it. He’s basically a lock to become the first player to 150 goals this year with a chance at breaking 250 points as well. Will he get the Jack ceremonial treatment? Only time will tell.

Of note this upcoming season: Stern looks to break 100 points in what he claims is his final D5 campaign and Ryan looks to become the quickest player to ever hit 100 points. Was he aided by a) Sam playing half his D5 career on D and b) his own propensity to draft insanely offensive-heavy teams? Certainly, but no one does it alone. It will be quite a feat and is likely to happen on opening night. Stay tuned.

All Time PPG Leaders (Regular Season; Min 10 Games Played)

Rank	Name	GP	Goals	Assists	Points	PPG
1	Luke	16	28	15	43	2.69
2	Miles	30	42	23	65	2.17
3	Ryan Levine	47	54	45	99	2.11
4	Chad	30	43	17	60	2.00
5	Sam	78	69	83	152	1.95
6	Carter Weaver	16	23	8	31	1.94
7	Derek	53	54	42	96	1.81
8	Wes	53	57	34	91	1.72
9	Corey	31	32	21	53	1.71
10	Jeff	15	19	6	25	1.67
11	Guido	62	76	25	101	1.63
12	Jo Robin	35	28	28	56	1.60
13	Probie	68	80	27	107	1.57
14	Minsky	43	49	18	67	1.56
15	Sam Gelman	68	81	24	105	1.54
16	Avery	18	16	11	27	1.50
17	Tom Fitz	52	42	35	77	1.48
18	Hicks	147	133	77	210	1.43
19	Meg	50	37	33	70	1.40
20	Neil	91	83	43	126	1.38

A massive 2024 vaults Ryan into 3rd all time on the PPG list. This year will be telling as a larger sample size coupled with almost definitely being slotted in the 1st round will test the limits of the 2 PPG pace which is extremely rarified territory. Then again, much like the NHL, scoring has been on the upswing in recent seasons and those guys always draft well. I wouldn’t count him out.

Elsewhere on the list, Like Miles, Chad and Carter are all wildcards to play in 2025. Carter is most interesting to me as his sample size is lowest of everyone on the list except Jeff whose last season in this league was so long ago that Jack was a rookie and Meg hadn’t even entered the league or iced herself at the rookie party. She is now not only out of NY and retired from the league as the best female to ever play in it, but is now married and with child. Congrats, but also wow that was a long fucking time ago.

All Time Goals Leaders (Regular Season)

Rank	Name	GP	Goals	Assists	Points
1	Hicks	147	133	77	210
2	Jack	123	101	59	160
3	Neil	91	83	43	126
4	Sam Gelman	68	81	24	105
5	Probie	68	80	27	107
6	Guido	62	76	25	101
7	Sam	78	69	83	152
8	Mike Stern	73	67	25	92
9	Wes	53	57	34	91
10	Ryan Levine	47	54	45	99
11	Derek	53	54	42	96
12	Cherie	136	53	63	116
13	Jason Campbell	55	52	20	72
14	Alex	131	49	63	112
15	Minsky	43	49	18	67
16	Mike Tarnow	133	46	87	133
17	Annie	105	46	44	90
18	Adam Satok	71	46	38	84
19	Alex Rockoff	104	46	32	78
20	Dave Liang	87	44	35	79

The goals list fairly similar to points but in a very different order. Stern is likely to become only the 7th player to ever join the 70 goal club unless fatherhood has really softened him to the point of forgetting how to play hockey. What’s amazing to me when looking at this list is that I have no doubt if you asked 10 people who was better, Probert or Gelman, approximately 10 of 10 would answer Probert. And yet, their scoring is almost identical; same exact 68 regular season games played and Gelman has one more goal and three less assists. That he has even less assists than Probert, who once went more than a full calendar year with over 20 goals and 0 assists, is absolutely incredible but regardless, the juxtaposition between the two players is fascinating to consider. Are we romanticizing the past or has scoring increased at such a massive rate? It should be noted that Probert was always slotted in the 1st round and generally considered a top 3 player while Gelman might be available in this season’s draft for the first time in years if he doesn’t come back as captain. Minsky is in a similar tons of goals/not many assists boat as the aforementioned two but is taking the spring season off to focus on his running so idk. We might release Minsky marathon time odds at some point out of sheer boredom and just a little respect.

All Time Assists Leaders (Regular Season)

Rank	Name	GP	Goals	Assists	Points
1	Mike Tarnow	133	46	87	133
2	Sam	78	69	83	152
3	Hicks	147	133	77	210
4	Cherie	136	53	63	116
5	Alex	131	49	63	112
6	Jack	123	101	59	160
7	Ryan Levine	47	54	45	99
8	Annie	105	46	44	90
9	Neil	91	83	43	126
10	Derek	53	54	42	96
11	Matt Russo	126	35	40	75
12	Adam Satok	71	46	38	84
13	Dave Liang	87	44	35	79
14	Tom Fitz	52	42	35	77
15	Wes	53	57	34	91

Tarnow has a legit shot to reach 100 assists in 2025 if he can avoid phantom groin injuries or suspensions for making my life miserable. Regardless of being in range of this impressive milestone I have no doubt he will be lobbying to be slotted in the 6th round, as is tradition. With Sam retiring and Hicks pretty firmly in the goals over assists camp, I don’t see anyone passing him anytime soon. Also great to see Russo on his list, one of the OG league members and an elite teammate. And I say this having never played with him myself. Will 2025 be the year he wins his 1st ever D5 Cup?

All-Time Ladies Scoring Leaders

Rank	Name	GP	Goals	Assists	Points
1	Cherie	126	53	63	116
2	Annie	105	46	44	90
3	Meg	50	37	33	70
4	Ryann	79	29	29	58
5	Tash	84	24	23	47
6	Julie Katz	102	16	29	45

If she can avoid freak injury or Jack making her so mad she quits the league, Annie is almost a lock to become just the 2nd woman to ever hit 100 points. In fact, she is in line for a fairly big 2025 with 50 goals, 50 assists and 100 points all in her crosshairs. I just spent like 20 minutes looking for the NHL player who hit 500 goals 500 assists, 1000 points and 1000 games in the same season because I remember reading that someone did it in a trivia book when I was like 7 years old. First reader to name that player gets a tequila shot on me at the first Dorrian’s Friday of the season. Also of note: even with her standard summer sojourn to Minnesota, with spring+fall to work with Ryann is likely to pass Meg and take 3rd place on this list, where she is likely to stay for a good long while being one of the few OGs from 2018 left in the league.

Goalie Wins

Rank	Name	GP	Wins	SO
1	Zisser	118	52	7
2	Max	84	45	4
3	Jeff Green	63	47	9
4	Casca	61	35	7
5	Corey	75	33	3
6	Jacob Green	53	27	2
7	Phelps	37	25	8
8	Dave GDR	67	24	1

Zisser, Jeff and Max have been here since before the covid break and with Phelps retiring to Atlanta, that’s likely to be our top 3 for the foreseeable future. Kind of crazy that we do get a fair bit of goalie fluctuation but those three have been the rocks of the league for several years. That said, the massive sample size and goalie’s general dependence on their team to play decent defense leaves them susceptible to season-to-season variance, as with all goalies. Speaking of which…

Career Minutes Per Goal (Minimum 15 Games Started)
Editor’s Note: Since game lengths have fluctuated from 39 minutes to 45 minutes throughout the league’s history, it is difficult to accurately gauge official GAA on the classic calculation which translates minutes played to a precise games # and then divides that into goals. As such, I have created a new but similar metric which is how many minutes each goalie plays, on average, before allowing a goal.

Rank	Name	GP	Wins	Minutes	Goals Allowed	Min/Goal	Estimated GAA
1	Sonj	16	13	680.5	33	20.62	2.04
2	Tim K	19	14	748	38	19.68	1.98
3	Campbell	25	17	1045	58	18.02	2.16
4	Jeff Green	63	47	2586	148	17.47	2.35
5	Eitan	17	8	664	41	16.20	2.41
6	Phelps	35	23	1438	95	15.14	2.71
7	Ryan Waldman	23	13	974	67	14.54	3.10
8	Max	84	45	3449.5	265	13.02	3.13
9	Zisser	118	52	4888.5	382	12.80	3.16
10	Corey	75	33	3139.5	258	12.17	3.37

Small sample sizes dominate the top 3, but those are also 3 of the top goalies we’ve had. Sonj had a 2025 to remember but with whispers of Campbell making his return to the net, it remains to be seen if she can keep a hold of her #1 spot in these ranks. I don’t think Tim K is ever coming back while Jeff Green and co have too many games played for one season to make much of a difference in cumulative minutes per goal.

Single Season Records
Goals – 26 (Guido, Summer/Fall 2021)
Assists – 17 (Sam, Summer/Fall 2021)
Points – 31 (Guido & Sam, Summer/Fall 2021)
Goals (10 Game Season) – 18 (Neil, Spring 2022)
Assists (10 Game Season) – 18 (Sam, Fall 2024)
Points (10 Game Season)  – 28 (Ryan, Fall 2024)
Win % – 1.000 (The Charging Cheetahs, Summer 2018)
Goals Scored Per Game (Team) – 5.80 (Clappin’ Cheeks, Spring 2024)
Goals Allowed Per Game (Team) – 0.8 (EJ Entertainment, Fall 2022)

The goals/assists/points total accumulated during our first and only jumbo season (15 games) will likely never be topped in a regular 10 game season so I’ve listed those records separately. Neil’s Spring 2022 was an all-timer goals-wise but I should also note that 1/3 of those goals came in a single game where the goalie was AK. Meanwhile 2024 was a big year for records as Sam shattered the all-time record for assists in a season in his final campaign, Chad set the points record before Ryan broke it and Clappin’ Cheeks Spring 2024 set the record for goals in a season.

Single Game Records
Goals – 6 (Neil, Week 4, Spring 2022)
Assists – 5 (Ryan Levine, Week 8, Fall 2023)
Points – 8 (Meg, Week 9, Summer/Fall 2021)
Goals (Team) – 11 Goals (MelRose Place, Week 12, Summer 2023)
Highest Scoring Game – 17 Goals (Green Street Hooligans over Pink Lemonade, Week 4, Summer 2022) & (Hungry Hippos over Shooting Blancs, Week 13, Summer 2023)

As mentioned previously, that six goal game by Neil came with AK in net which gives it a slight asterisk. Neil’s out for the spring nursing an offseason injury but may be back for summer or fall. Meg’s point record incredibly came in her first game back from surgery after several months off. She asked me if she could play the whole game, I obviously said yes and was rewarded with a performance for the ages. The 11 goals in a game came against the Mensches so slight asterisk for that one as well as they hadn’t played hockey in a decade and one of their guys was smoking cigs all game. For the life of me, I don’t get how some games in this league have 2 goals and some have 17 but it does make sense that both 17 goal games took place on Fridays. And finally, we come to awards….

Scoring Titles
2: Hicks + Neil
1: 12 People Tied

Player Of The Year Finalists
5: Sam
4: Annie, Jack & Ryan
3: Wes & Gelman
2: Chad, Cherie, Meg, Hicks, Derek, Neil & Satok

Player Of The Year Awards
2: Sam
1: 8 People Tied

Cups
5: Andrew
4: Mike Goose, Sam, Annie, Rockoff, Kolenberg & Mike Wright
3: Phelps, Sanchick, Meehan, Brett Cantor, Julie & Emily Barbour
2: Over 60 people tied

Hicks and Neil are the only players to ever win multiple scoring titles but there’s a good chance that someone joins that prestigious club in 2025. Ryan will likely have three bites at the apple because he loves hockey but you’ve also got Stern in his final season, Carter if he comes back for summer, Chad if he stops clubbing long enough to play some hockey…possibilities are myriad. Ditto for player of the year as Sam is the only player to ever win more than one. Nominations-wise, there’s a very strong chance that someone either ties or surpasses him in nominations this year although those are capped at 5 or 6 per season so it’s not as much of a sure thing as it might appear. And finally, the big one – when it comes to cups, Andrew now stands alone with an incredible five cups in his first five seasons. Is drafting him tantamount to just an automatic cup win at this point? This year will test that theory out once and for all; if he wins one or two more in 2025 he has a legitimate argument to be an early first rounder. He’s also won three straight Leetch awards and is now in range for the league record, currently held by your favorite commissioner (hint: not Jenn).

And with that…that’s about all the stats I can take for a day. Reminder that all of these are tracked manually so if you feel your stats were miscounted or you should be on one of these lists, DM me for a personal audit (not nearly as fun as it sounds). Work hard, train hard and one day you too can be listed up here with the greats.