Abbreviated power rankings! Abbreviated because it’s a holiday weekend and there are only four teams left with the other 60% of the league already gearing up for next season. But that doesn’t mean we can cobble together one last set of ranks for the crowd. Next set will be for opening week of summer in just two weeks. Time really does fly.
1) Team Pie Pie
Average Rank: 1.33
Previous Rank: 1 (unchanged)
Highest Rank: 1
Lowest Rank: 2
Standard Deviation: 0.52
1st Place Votes: 4 of 6
Comments: Rankers have orange as the clear favorite heading into championship week and it’s not difficult to see why. With unmatched depth at every position, the only downside here is that they’ll be playing a bit shorthanded with Russo and Ben Wald out for the whole night and Sophia out for the championship should they make it. The way they’ve been playing, it may not matter.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Have to be favorites but goalie concerns with no Sophia. Unmatched depth.”
“I’ll take PP winning 3-0 in the finals. Honestly whoever drafted this team well done. This is one of the best drafts I’ve ever seen. How was Jo not first overall?“
2) The Blue Streakers
Average Rank: 2.17
Previous Rank: 3 (up 1)
Highest Rank: 1
Lowest Rank: 3
Standard Deviation: 0.98
1st Place Votes: 2 of 6
Comments: Despite being a 5 seed and 76% of respondents to the playoff poll picking red to advance to the finals, blue gets the slight edge over them in these rankings. Is this a case of recency bias or a case of rankers being more apt to ignore the standings than the general public? Tune in Tuesday to find out.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Full strength gonna be tough to beat. Jack doesn’t know there are no three pointers so he’s gonna keep pulling up.”
“Jack is playing the best hockey of his career and he’s leaving. Hate to see it.”
3) Talking Reds
Average Rank: 3.17
Previous Rank: 5 (up 2)
Highest Rank: 2
Lowest Rank: 4
Standard Deviation: 0.98
Comments: No one had much faith in this team before the season but everyone agreed that Campbell was so good that anything was possible. Fast forward to the end of the season and the guy had 8 wins in 8 games with 4 shutouts. With a stronger than expected roster and the possible GOAT in net, no one would be surprised to see them win two more on Tuesday.
Comment From Anonymous Ranker:
“I still hate the roster, but Campbell is king.”
4) Crankin’ Hog
Average Rank: 3.33
Previous Rank: 3 (down 1)
Highest Rank: 2
Lowest Rank: 4
Standard Deviation: 0.82
Comments: An up-and-down season for Crankin’ Hog ends on a high note with a rousing comeback in their regular season finale and three playoff wins this past Tuesday. They’d probably be ranked higher if not for the absence of team captain and best player Ryan on Tuesday night. Still, they showed a lot of heart this past week and still have enough talent left to make some noise come Tuesday.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Lucas trade was the biggest blunder in the history of D5.”
“Crank that Soulja boy.” (Editor’s Note: this was written by someone boozing heavily at Russo’s wedding…still, that dance was really something)
5) Mace Windu
Average Rank: 5.00
Previous Rank: 2 (down 3)
Highest Rank: 5
Lowest Rank: 5
Standard Deviation: 0.00
Comments: A unanimous 5th place ranking indicates that every ranker considers this the best team to not make the final four. A compliment for sure but I’m also sure they’d rather actually have made the semis. Still, a strong first season effort by co-captains Milstein + Fitz, although it remains to be seen how the former will do without the latter next season.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Expected more.”
“Good season, should’ve made semis. Toronto of the league.”
6) The Grassholes
Average Rank: 6.75
Previous Rank: 6 (unchanged)
Highest Rank: 6
Lowest Rank: 8
Standard Deviation: 0.96
Comments: Green had the toughest roster situation of any team on Tuesday, losing their top two defensemen in 1st round pick Andrew and team captain Jake without taking any playoff exemptions. It proved to be a bit too much to overcome. An overall solid season for the defending champs with longtime co-captain Stern heading off into the sunset.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Up and down year. Needed more oomph.”
“Was always a fraud.”
7) My Cup Size Is Stanley
Average Rank: 7.25
Previous Rank: 10 (up 3)
Highest Rank: 6
Lowest Rank: 8
Standard Deviation: 1.89
Comments: On the one hand, a 7th place final power ranking with a loss in their first playoff game isn’t that great. On the other hand, considering where they were just a month ago, this is a pretty incredible turnaround. After starting the season 0-3 and giving up 20 goals in those 3 games, they went 5-1 in their next six and ended up securing the 4 seed. Not the best season for black but considering many were predicting this to be one of the worst teams of all time, I would actually consider it a borderline success.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Was destined for historical misery. The turnaround became historical.”
“If only Jenn could trade for her whole roster instead of actually having to draft.”
8) Pizza Rats
Average Rank: 7.75
Previous Rank: 9 (up 1)
Highest Rank: 7
Lowest Rank: 8
Standard Deviation: 0.50
Comments: The strangest Hicks team of all time as, unlike virtually every other iteration, they were excellent defensively but had serious issues putting the ball in the net. It’s tough to figure when their captain has some of the starkest offensive impact / defensive impact splits in the league and Maddy won the ladies’ scoring title. It’s almost like one of those monkey’s paw things where Hicks wished for a team that didn’t lose because of defensive errors and this is how the universe chose to screw him. Everyone’s favorite steroid dealer/enthusiast is likely taking next season off from captaining; I’m sure whenever he comes back, his teams will go back to the UPS model we know and love.
Comment From Anonymous Ranker:
“Good defense, where the hell was the offense?”
9) The MilkMob
Average Rank: 9.00
Previous Rank: 8 (down 1)
Highest Rank: 7
Lowest Rank: 10
Standard Deviation: 1.41
Comments: Surprising to see the MilkMob down at 9 despite winning a playoff game 4-0. I was impressed by their speed and tenacity in pulling the minor upset over the Pizza Rats and keeping the game against blue as close as they did, but they’ll have to stop reaching for the same players and draft for value next time around if they want to make a run to championship week.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Beat the rats so here they are. Animals.“
“Love the vibes; if these guys ever learned to draft, watch out.”
10) Silver Stallions
Average Rank: 9.25
Previous Rank: 7 (down 3)
Highest Rank: 9
Lowest Rank: 10
Standard Deviation: 0.50
Comments: I still think this team had a great roster but late season attendance issues and a general lack of speed doomed them to a 1st round exit. Still, things may have been different had Ken not missed the back half of the season and if they had a bit more puck luck. One of the strongest last place finishers I’ve ever seen, but last place nonetheless.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Victimized by Ken over the final five games.”
“New captains curse hit this team hard in the back half of the season. Too much talent to be this low.”
“I still can’t believe Jacob & Reid are cousins.”