District Five Championship
The Phantom Pie Pie (+150)
Hockey at Glatt’s (+150)
Sex Ed (+335)
Chappell Red (+500)
Merry Pranksters (+600)
Bruise Control (+700)
Glazin’ Donuts (+700)
Street Meat (+1000)
The UMass Football Team (+1000)
Pinky Toe (+1500)
District Five Championship
The Phantom Pie Pie or Hockey at Glatt’s (-375)
Field (+210)
COMMENTS: The league’s first two undefeated teams naturally claim the top spots and naturally you’re not going to get great odds betting on either one. That said, there’s values to be had all around including a blue team that’s won four of the last seven championships, a red team that is on a legit heater with five straight wins to close the season and a UMass team featuring two of the best players in the league, Jo and Joe.
Team To Make Final Four
Sex Ed (-230)
Merry Pranksters (+105)
Chappell Red (+160)
Bruise Control (+210)
Glazin’ Donuts (+300)
Street Meat (+600)
The UMass Football Team (+600)
Pinky Toe (+600)
COMMENTS: Basically a one night future bet if you’re in a gambling mood tonight, odds are of course heavily dependent on how many games each team has to win. Blue and tie dye only need to win one, red or purple would need to win two while silver, yellow, black or pink would have to win three games in a single night. No major news on absences yet but needless to say those will shift the lines once the injury reports start coming out shortly.
Championship Exacta
Hockey at Glatt’s vs The Phantom Pie Pie (+115)
Hockey at Glatt’s vs Sex Ed (+215)
Chappell Red vs The Phantom Pie Pie (+350)
Merry Pranksters vs The Phantom Pie Pie (+350)
Any Other Result (+300)
COMMENTS: All the action will undoubtedly be on the most obvious matchup of the undefeated teams but if you want to gamble your money chasing some longshots, boy are you in the right league. If you’re a fan of upsets and chaos (or have inside info on Everett getting arrested this week), the field bet looks mighty attractive.
Leading Playoff Scorer
Everett (+170)
Glattman (+170)
Chad (+215)
Craig (+230)
Ryan (+300)
Field (+250)
COMMENTS: Somewhat derivative of the championship odds but there’s always a chance that someone like Ryan who has the possibility of playing six potential games could win the playoff scoring title despite not winning (or making it to) the championship. That said, the playoff leading scorer does usually come from the eventual championship winner and the top three players in the regular season scoring race all came from the top two teams.
Highest Scoring Playoff Rookie
Brooke Gary (+120)
Tony (+200)
Field (+135)
COMMENTS: Will anyone bet on Tony besides Tony himself (and his in-laws)?
Who Will Finish Higher In The Playoff Scoring Race?
Everett (-120)
Glattman (-120)
Who Will Finish Higher In The Scoring Race?
Kevin (-120)
Ryan (-120)
COMMENTS: Basically a proxy line on the potential Red vs Donuts second round matchup.
Ryan Playoff Points (Tandem Points Excluded)
Over 4.5 (-120)
Under 4.5 (-120)
Everett Playoff Points
Over 5.0 (-230)
Under 5.0 (+150)
COMMENTS: Somewhat proxy lines on how well their teams will do. Obviously more games will make overs far more likely but either player is also capable of hitting this in a high scoring loss.
Tony Playoff Points
Over 2.0 (-120)
Under 2.0 (-120)
COMMENTS: I have received confirmation everyone’s favorite ROY hopeful is playing forward in the playoffs and will no doubt be lobbying for top line minutes. Whether Zuck listens or continues to ignore him is anyone’s guess.
Grand Salami (Total Goals For The Playoffs; Last Week’s Games Notwithstanding)
Over 56.5 (-120)
Under 56.5 (-120)
COMMENTS: This season featured just over 7 goals per game. That said, with nine games tonight and on Championship Week, the odds are reflecting the general lower-scoring nature of the later playoff games. To wit: the standard championship game over/under is 5.0 goals (used to be 4.5). I should note that last season’s crazy high scoring was reflected in the playoffs with semifinal and final games totaling 7, 9 and 11 goals, with the 11 being the highest scoring championship game of all time. Will this season’s continued collective lack of interest in defense lead to an obliteration of the grand salami? Only on this website could you read such a sentence.