The Dolly Pranksters (+1.5 Goals) (EVEN)
Bruger King (-1.5 Goals) (-145)
Over 7.0 Goals (-105)
Under 7.0 Goals (-135)
Notes: It’s Friday which can only mean two things: people drinking in the stands and hockey games involving short rosters and weird sub arrangements. And yet, silver has possibly their best lineup of the season with Glatt and Zuck both returning from injury while Korey Ryan is sitting this one out to microwave eggs or something. Tony is also missing a game, possibly for the first time ever; it’s up to you to decide if thats a net positive or net negative for Bruger King. I know my opinion but won’t share it out of respect for the franchise. As I’ve written in this space numerous times this season, the Pranksters are the most perennially underrated team in the league. There are teams that are more underrated season-to-season (like this season when I was the only person who power ranked brown in the top 7), but no one else gets disrespected every season only to finish top four in the standings. It’s truly been a banner year for the tie dye franchise. But with emotions riding high due to the return of two of their franchise players and Korey Ryan going from eating 8 minutes a game to 0 minutes tonight, it’s looking like a big night for the king. Unless tie dye’s goalie (be it Jeff Green, Berky or some other ringer sub) absolutely puts on a show, it’s silver’s game to lose. And I don’t even think a show will be enough. 5-3 Bruger King.
Red Bunny (-1.0 Goals) (-145)
The Big Green (+1.0 Goals) (EVEN)
Over 6.5 Goals (-110)
Under 6.5 Goals (-130)
Notes: This line probably looks extremely weird to you. I get it. You look at the standings and you’re like “oh fabled and glorious D5 sportsbook manager, the keeper of the vig, the weaver of the lines, please explain to me this:
How crawls the dog in bloody red,
Down where the cellar rats are fed,
Down at the bottom, bruised and bleak,
Yet favored by the house this week?
While armored in triumphant green,
Four conquests tall, a crown foreseen,
Jake and Mo, they seem like chalk
Yet they let the dying red team walk?
What sorcery sits in this evening’s slate?
What wicked thumb sits upon the weight?
Is it a phantom in the net,
Or a phantom whistle, sharp and set?
How does the sharp-eyed broker know
Which way the autumn wind will blow?”
When you say this I chuckle at you as I flabongo another white claw. Ariel’s out and Shua’s a GTD but this line is too good to be true. Where it ends up…only the riddler knows.
Pinky Promise (+2.5 Goals) (-120)
Bruger King (-2.5 Goals) (-120)
Over 8.0 Goals (-145)
Under 8.0 Goals (EVEN)
Notes: Generally this is the point where I’d say this is a big time rivalry game, with Yehuda frequently complaining about Glatt’s dominance even though he pretty much does this after every team that smokes his own (frequent occurrance). I’d also point to how last season pink dealt Glatt’s their first ever playoff loss which caused them to rebrand the franchise around a fast food franchise and their 13th best player. Or I’d shrug and write another poem. That’s what I’d like to do. But honestly, I think this is just going to be a beating. Old school, right in the street, no mercy. As I write this one of the biggest trades in league history has just been consummated. Further info on that to come but it has moved this line slightly in pink’s favor, but also moved the over/under up. I’ll leave it to you to guess wtf just happened.
The Big Green (+1.0 Goals) (+150)
The Golden Gods (-1.0 Goals) (-230)
Over 6.5 Goals (EVEN)
Under 6.5 Goals (-145)
Notes: The final game of the evening. One team shorthanded, one team just overhauled literally half their roster. I’m just putting this line out and trying to get a breaking news piece before I have to go. A real shame because the poem I had queued up for this would’ve been fun. Maybe next week. See ya @ Dorries.