Week 1 Box Scores (Spring 2019)

Rainy Day Kids Club vs Goonies

1st Period:
GOO (1-0) – Mike T (1) (assisted by Brett) (1:30)
GOO (2-0) – Mike T (2) (unassisted) (2:22)
GOO (3-0) – Rob Meehan (1) (unassisted) (12:55)
2nd Period:
KID (1-3) – Probie (1) (assisted by Creamy) (12:16)
3rd Period:
KID (2-3) – Probie (2) (unassisted) (4:45)
GOO (4-2) – Mike T (3) (assisted by Brett) (7:42)
GOO (5-2) – Kevin (1) (assisted by Michelle) (10:45)

GAME NOTES: The Spring season kicked off with a post-rebrand Warriors (The Kids Club) facing the Goonies, with Cherie playing the role of Mikey. No word on who’s Sloth and who’s Chunk…Mike T was a last minute removal from the draft list, much to the chagrin of many captains, and none more than Probie who watched the three time defending BTSH scoring champ throw down two goals in the first five minutes en route to an opening day hat trick. Yes, that’s him on the below video asking if Mike even goes here…Probie was able to put two by Eitan but was otherwise stoned by everyone’s favorite non-Jackie Mason, non-Jerry Seinfeld Jewish comedian. He also committed a penalty by tripping former teammate Cat Tremble. Incredibly, it was the first penalty of his D5 career despite being the league’s all time scoring leader…Kevin “Beardy” Tuohy wrapped up the scoring late in the third on a sweet feed from Michelle…the Goonies went with the weird chant of “Goonies Say Never Die” between the 1st and 2nd periods, but corrected it to the more canonically accurate “Goonies Never Say Die” before the 3rd…the Kids Club will look to rebound next week against Campbell and his merry band of Squirrels and Parrots. The Goonies, meanwhile, will face off against Winter Is Coming in the primetime game.

3rd – Eitan (2 GA)
2nd – Probie (2G)
1st – Mike T (3G)

Purple Parrots vs The Charging Cheetahs

3rd Period:
PAR (1-0) – Mike Goose (1) (assisted by Julie Katz) (6:51)

GAME NOTES: Two of the leagues fastest teams played a tight defensive struggle, with deLacy making his first start in years and holding his own against goaltending and showering extraordinaire Campbell…the Cheetahs rolled out Jo on defense and a Poutine-themed 1st unit of Sweet Baby James/Sully with a Thin Mints 2nd line of Roberts-Rockoff-Klion…two shutout periods led to a tense third when the tie was finally broken off a point shot by Julie that led to a rebound which D5 rookie Mike Goose buried for the winner. Anyone take the field bet for the rookie of the year race?…the Cheetahs pressed the attack for the final four minutes but the Parrots played the most disciplined defense I’ve ever seen in D5, clearing every ball they got all the way down and not even attempting any passes anywhere near the middle. Campbell has trained them well…with the shutout, Campbell is now only one behind Tim K on the all-time shutout list. They are, in fact, the only two goalies to ever notch a shutout in a D5 regular season game. Dave GDR put one up in a playoff game in Summer 2018…the Parrots will take on the Kids Club next week, while the Cheetahs must travel to Cup Size stadium to face Gabe, Hogg and Jenn’s breasts in a pivotal week 2 showdown.

3rd – Julie Katz (1A)
2nd – Mike Goose (GWG)
1st – Campbell (W, SO)

Chosen 1s vs Winter Is Coming

1st Period:
WIN (1-0) – Luke (1) (assisted by Ryan McManus) (6:13)
CHO (1-1) – Brad (1) (unassisted) (10:14)
2nd Period:
WIN (2-1) – Luke (2) (unassisted) (4:28)
CHO (2-2) – Jeff (1) (assisted by Alexa) (9:01)
WIN (3-2) – AFrey (1) (unassisted) (12:58)
3rd Period:
WIN (4-2) – JRo (1) (assisted by Kelsey) (3:58)
WIN (5-2) – Jeremy (1) (unassisted) (8:43)

GAME NOTES: In a battle between last season’s top two scorers, Luke had the last laugh as his two goals propelled the blue team to victory. Jeff had the last laugh last season as his week 9 goal gave him the scoring title and a trophy he has probably lost by now…Brad picked up his first goal since July 10, 2018 with a blast from mid-court that got by a screened and possibly constipated Zisser…after Jeff tied the game for the Chosen 1s, AFrey was able to put his team ahead with just seconds left in the period with a wrist shot from where the blue line would be if there were blue lines on this court…Winter broke this game open in the third with goals by Josh and Jeremy, holding the fort in front of Zisser to escape with an opening night victory…Ryann was a last minute scratch after getting a tooth removed Tuesday afternoon. Shortis teammate Julie was more than happy to lend her services to the orange team…the Chosen 1s will look to get back on track in next week’s early game as they have their home opener against Hicks, Ariel and the Hippos. Winter Is Coming will be gearing up for a primetime matchup against the Goonies in what many pundits are calling a possible championship preview.

3rd – Brad (1G)
2nd – AFrey (GWG)
1st – Luke (2G)

My Cup Size Is Stanley vs Hungry Hippos

1st Period:
CUP (1-0) – Gabe (1) (unassisted) (4:50)
2nd Period:
CUP (2-0) – Carlin (1) (assisted by DRo) (8:03)
HIP (1-2) – Spencer Rabin (1) (assisted by Seb) (12:47)
3rd Period:
HIP (2-2) – “Meatbox” Hicks (1) (assisted by Mike McCauley) (4:26)
CUP (3-2) – Carlin (2) (assisted by Gene) (8:45)

GAME NOTES: In the final game of the night, two original six teams faced off as the Hippos took on Cup Size with those who braved the cold treated to a tight checking affair…Gabe opened the scoring, as he is wont to do, four minutes into the first on a shot that few NHL goalies would stop…after Carlin gave Cup Size a two goal lead, the Hippos put on their rally caps and started pressing for the tie, with rookie Spencer Rabin scoring just before the end of the 2nd period. It was the third game of the night that features a goal in the final minute of the 2nd…Hicks leveled the score early in the 3rd with a shot from the left circle. For some reason, the scoresheet said “Meatbox” Hicks which would be a reference to his muscles or to his absurd consumption of Taco Bell…the score remained tied until late in the 3rd when free agent Carlin buried a shot from the left half-boards. Incredibly, on her D5 career, Carlito has more points in less games as a free agent than on her actual teams…the Hippos will open week 2 with a must-win matchup against Jeff, Rich and the Chosen 1s. Cup Size will travel north for their home opener against Jo, Sully and the Cheetahs.

3rd – “Meatbox” Hicks (1G)
2nd – Gabe (1G)
1st – Carlin (2G, GWG)

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