Week 4 Betting Lines (Fall 2019)

Stud Puffins (-105)
Hungry Hippos (-135)
Over 5.5 (-120)
Under 5.5 (-120)

Notes: The Hippos are coming off an eight goal outburst against the Purple People Eaters last week, vaulting three of their players into the top five in the scoring race. Hicks has drafted two teams that made it to the finals (since its Hicks, they lost both times) but this may be the most explosive squad he’s ever had in terms of offensive firepower. Meanwhile, after an impressive week one victory over the Cheetahs the Puffins have lost two in a row, albeit to two of the top teams in the league (Cup Size and the Goonies). Burke and Casca is a quality matchup in net and I’m sure Derek is looking to have that big offensive outburst we’ve been waiting for, but Lee’s been talking trash to Hicks for the better part of a week and I’m curious how much pre-workout Hicks is willing to make his body endure to make sure he secures the W tonight. Likely answer: more than any man should. Bet on yellow to keep the good times rolling.

Purple People Eaters (+220)
Backdoor Bandits (-300)
Purple People Eaters (+2.5) (EVEN)
Backdoor Bandits (-2.5) (-140)
Over 6.0 (-120)
Under 6.0 (-120)

Notes: Blue will be missing Mikey, Eric, Sebastian and Hillary while Purple is missing Emily “Sniper” Moore, Liz “Crusher” Boylan and James “Total Degenerate” McQuade. Purple has had a rough start to the season, with two 4-1 losses followed by last week’s 8-1 drubbing by the Hippos. It’s enough to sap the spirit of any captain, but Jack is no ordinary captain and has responded by going the other way and sending out bulletin board material such as this.

Here we have a somewhat blurry photo of a truly great looking man wearing a questionably 90s shirt, drinking a glass of straight vodka after enduring a Century Club pre-game with White Claw instead of beer. This man is completely unwilling to endure the ignominy of losing to Jack. The line is not particularly friendly, but do not bet against this man because if he loses, he will probably fold the league anyways. Side note – does repeatedly referring to myself as “this man” count as 3rd person? It’s definitely not 1st person. Is it 2nd person? Could it be the elusive 4th person? Regardless of what grammar says, purple is going down. The line isn’t particularly attractive but any money you do win will be enhanced with Jack’s tears. Very exciting.

My Cup Size Is Stanley (-130)
Green Street Hooligans (-110)
Over 5.5 (-105)
Under 5.5 (-135)

Notes: Probie and Gabe are both out for this one in a 1st round wash. Cup Size will be using a female sub to be named later as they currently only have two ladies along with ScottyK subbing in place of Gene. The Hooligans have Joe P and Jake listed as gametime decisions. This is another McQuade special; I’m not sure why anyone would bet on a game where both teams’ top players are missing and half their lineup is in flux but what can I say, the guys got issues (he’s also newly single so line up now ladies if you’re in the mood for $2 ramen and a bumpy ride on a truly disgusting White Claw stained couch). These are two of the top teams when at full strength; with both teams missing their captains and several top players, it’ll be interesting to see who steps up. As much as I like the roll that green’s been on, Brad and LJ should be able to shut it down against Danilo and co. Take black to keep on rolling.

The Charging Cheetahs (-120)
Goonies (-120)
Over 5.5 (-120)
Under 5.5 (-120)

Notes: Jeff Green will be subbing in net, as he often does, this time for red in place of Max. His most recent relief appearance saw him stand on his head in OT and allow the Cheetahs to notch a 4-3 comeback over the Bandits in Week 2. This time the Cheetahs will take on the Goonies who, after a tough shootout loss to Meg and Cup Size in Week 1, have rebounded for two straight victories, last week’s being of the super dramatic variety. Jo and Carlin are out so red will likely be using a free agent sub of some kind but otherwise the Goonies should be icing their standard roster. These teams may be separated by four points in the standings but the game feels like a total toss-up. If Ariel is able to keep the ball out of red’s end and neutralize Yetter/Olivier/Tarnow, Nate should be able to get enough going in white’s end to get red the victory. Whether or not that happens is another story altogether. Another game I wouldn’t touch but if you absolutely must, I’d probably roll with the under.

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