Week 2 Box Scores (Spring 2022)

The Goaldiggers vs The Grapes

1st Period:
DIG (1-0) – Miles (1) (unassisted) (1:40)
2nd Period:
DIG (2-0) – Tash (1) (assisted by Adam Satok) (9:59)
3rd Period:
GRP (1-2) – Jack (1) (assisted by Wagner) (2:35)
DIG (3-1) – Miles (1) (EN) (unassisted) (14:30)

GAME NOTES: The Goaldiggers opened their season after a week one bye against the Grapes who were coming off a come from behind OT win over the Kraken. They would fall behind early in this one too as Miles, fresh off a 3.5 year layoff, put white ahead 1-0…Tash buried a feed top shelf over Max who was rocking the two pad stack like 90s Martin Brodeur to extend the lead to 2-0. Both goalies were excellent in this one….The Grapes came out of the intermission looking revitalized and were rewarded 2:35 in when Jack led a 2 on 1 with Josh and buried the rebound the get the score within one, celebrating with a field goal attempt and a hip shaking celebration that will give me nightmares for years to come…purple threw everything they could at the Goaldiggers in the 3rd but simply could not get that tying goal. An empty netter by Miles sealed the deal, followed by his own celly in front of the purple bench which I really wish the cameraman had captured in greater detail…the Goaldiggers jump out to a 1-0 start but will face a stiff test next week as they face Meg, Derek and the Royals. The Grapes will look to get back on track as they face their blood rivals, the Hippos.

3rd – Jack (1G)
2nd – Hogg (1 GA)
1st – Miles (2G)

Green Street Hooligans vs Hungry Hippos

1st Period:
GSH (1-0) – Austin Lyons (1) (assisted by Amit) (3:36)
GSH (2-0) – Amit (1) (assisted by Rich) (6:19)
GSH (3-0) – Amit (2) (assisted by Yehuda) (14:01)
2nd Period:
GSH (4-0) – Amit (3) (unassisted) (2:30)
3rd Period:
GSH (5-0) – Kevin Aylesworth (1) (assisted by Amanda) (6:24)

GAME NOTES: This game was initially expected to be super close, a total toss-up between two evenly matched squads. Then when the injury report came in and Probie Charlotte and Nate were all out, this was expected to be an easy win for yellow. Instead, we got fooled twice as the Hooligans continued to exemplify the Ewing Theory and yet again won a game without Ben in a thorough 5-0 domination of the Hippos…Amit scored his first career hat trick and added an assist to vault him to 2nd in the scoring race…Dana set up Rich for two point-blank shots from the slot area, neither of which resulted in a goal. Any assists he earns for rest of season will be credited to her…Casca picked up the first shutout of the season and laid waste to last week’s prop bet of which would happen first, a black win or a goalie shutout….the Hippos suffered two injuries in this one: DRo thought he broke his finger but it appears to be a severe strain and he should be back in a week or two while Andrea took yet another brutal ball to the face and suffered facial bruising so severe she told me if I posted the photo she would never show up to D5 again. Tempting card to hold in case I have to play her in the playoffs…green will look to ride the momentum of this beatdown in a rematch of week one’s tight loss to blue. The Hippos will look to shake this one off and beat down their aformentioned blood rivals, purple, in the late game on Tuesday.

3rd – Austin Lyons (1G)
2nd – Amit (3G)
1st – Casca (W, SO)

Hungry Hippos vs My Cup Size Is Stanley

1st Period:
HIP (1-0) – Jon Herman (1) (assisted by Meatbox) (1:15)
CUP (1-1) – Shelly (1) (assisted by Reape) (12:22)
2nd Period:
HIP (2-1) – Will Gill (1) (assisted by Jon Herman) (1:09)
HIP (3-1) – Jared Thompson (1) (assisted by Eli) (3:48)
HIP (4-1) – Neil (1) (unassisted) (6:43)
HIP (5-1) – Meatbox (1) (assisted by Jon Herman) (10:41)
HIP (6-1) – Robyn (1) (assisted by Meatbox) (14:46)
3rd Period:
HIP (7-1) – Jaimie (1) (assisted by Meatbox) (6:21)
CUP (2-7) – Sean Gavin (1) (assisted by Jenn) (10:15)
HIP (8-2) – Neil (2) (assisted by Jaimie) (11:04)

GAME NOTES: Hippos came into this up 6-1 after just unleashing a goal bonanza in the first two periods of last week’s rained out contest. The betting line for rest of the game sat at -6.5 for yellow and an over/under of 9.0…in the 3rd period, Jaimie picked up her first career D5 goal by sniping Jack and sending him straight to hell. Sean scored for Cup Size to cut the deficit but Neil scored under a minute later and the Hippos would hang on for a 8-2 victory.

3rd – Jaimie (1G, 1A)
2nd – Jon Herman (1G, 2A)
1st – Meatbox (1G, 3A)

My Cup Size Is Stanley vs Royals

1st Period:
CUP (1-0) – Westley (1) (assisted by Scott Metz) (12:12)
2nd Period:
ROY (1-1) – ScottyK (1) (assisted by Mike Wright) (0:57)
ROY (2-1) – ScottyK (2) (assisted by Jess) (5:56)
ROY (3-1) – Derek (1) (unassisted) (9:28)
CUP (2-3) – Matt Reape (1) (assisted by Cherie) (8:36)
ROY (4-2) – Shannon (1) (assisted by Mike Wright) (12:12)
3rd Period:
ROY (5-2) – Noah (1) (assisted by ScottyK) (0:50)

GAME NOTES: This game had a 3 goal spread, the largest in league history, as the Royals had basically everyone on their cup contender roster while Cup Size was missing three of their top players. Russo was kind enough to let Westley sub in for black…Cup Size actually put forth a valiant effort in this one and had a 1-0 lead heading into the 1st intermission off a great individual effort by (surprise) Westley. After that it was an orange rampage as the Royals picked up four goals in the 2nd and never looked back en route to a 5-2 victory that pushed them to 2nd in the standings and made oddsmakers look extremely good with that aforementioned 3 goal spread…ScottyK scored two goals in this one after having six all of last season. The second one was assisted by Jess although she’d be quick to remind us that she wasn’t the one who wanted to draft Scotty (so mean)…Derek picked up the game winner on an individual effort where he won a faceoff and just sprinted right through the defense, then beat Jack high. Derek is out for vengeance this season after somehow falling to 7th overall due to a combination of docked picks and confounding draft day decisions…Mike Wright had two assists but is listed on stats as only having one. This discrepancy shall be corrected next week…orange will go on to face the similarly 1-0 Goaldiggers in the game of the week while Cup Size will look to get their season on track as they face the expansion Kraken.

3rd – Mike Wright (2A)
2nd – Derek (GWG)
1st – ScottyK (2G, 1A)

The Blue Balls Of Sex vs Mavericks

1st Period:
MAV (1-0) – Jason Campbell (1) (assisted by Ludwig) (3:31)
SEX (1-1) – Sully (1) (assisted by Shannon) (5:56)
SEX (2-1) – Dave Liang (2) (assisted by Ellie) (11:33)
SEX (3-1) – Ellie (1) (unassisted) (12:18)
MAV (2-3) – Tom White (1) (assisted by Ludwig) (13:15)
SEX (4-2) – Ariel (1) (assisted by Ellie) (14:46)
2nd Period:
MAV (3-5) – Kevin Mahoney (1) (assisted by Ludwig) (4:24)
SEX (5-3) – Sam (3) (assisted by Campbell) (10:21)
3rd Period:
SEX (6-3) – Corey (4) (assisted by Shannon) (2:23)
MAV (4-6) – Jason Campbell (2) (assisted by Tom White) (4:14)
MAV (5-6) – Jason Campbell (3) (assisted by Ludwig) (7:26)
SEX (7-5) – Sam (4) (unassisted) (9:40)
MAV (6-7) – Jason Campbell (4) (PP) (assisted by Tom White) (13:30)
SEX (8-6) – Sam (5) (EN) (unassisted) (14:32)

GAME NOTES: No other way to say it, this game was fucking nuts. First primetime game of the season (after week one got rained out halfway through) and it produced the highest scoring game in league history. 13 combined goals had happened seven times before, including an amazing five times last season but it could not break through that resistance level until Tuesday where we got 14 combined goals between these teams…Jason Campbell started the season tying the league record for goals in a game with four while Ludwig, in the most hyped debut in league history, similarly tied a league record with four assists. The two of them together were electric, using their size and speed to generate a punishing forecheck which made my back hurt all of Wednesday…with two rookie goalie, there were some struggles in this one but Eric did come up with an impressive glove save on an early Sam breakaway. Given another chance late in the 2nd, Sam made no mistake with one of the sicker breakaway moves I’ve seen in a while. Even the highly partisan crowd couldn’t help but gasp at that one…Ellie picked up a goal and two assists which vaulted her to 1st in female scoring…Ariel picked up a sweet goal off the post with just seconds remaining in the first, prompting cries from the crowd for a residency check and leaving me to wonder yet again how everyone let him linger til the 7th round…with Kelsey and Caitlin out, Shannon subbed for blue and picked up two assists, continuing the longstanding league tradition of players scoring way more when they sub than for the teams that draft them…longtime readers will remember the Spring 2021 season when, after a couple weeks spent ripping purple apart, the D5 media jumped on the bandwagon and proclaimed the Tunas 2-0 start as being for real. Similarly, reactions to Ryann drafting a team were all over the place and the post-draft consensus seemed to be that they would be one of the weakest teams. While they may be 0-1, this team has one of the best top lines in the league, a rookie goalie who looked impressive despite giving up seven goals (the eighth was an empty netter) and a team of ice hockey players who move the ball around as well as anyone. They may not have picked up the W in this one but I am going on record: this team is for real.

3rd – Ludwig (4A)
2nd – Sam (3G)
1st – Jason (4G)

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