Silver Stallions (+1.5 Goals) (-105)Mean Girls (-1.5 Goals) (-135)Over 7.5 Goals (-120)Under 7.5 Goals (-120) Notes: The opening game of the evening is a possible
Author: aryastark1994
D5 Power Rankings (Volume II) (Summer 2025)
T1) Sex Education Average Rank:Â 2.67Previous Rank: 1 (unchanged)Highest Rank:Â 1Lowest Rank:Â 7Standard Deviation:Â 1.971st Place Votes:Â 2 of 6 Comments:Â For the first time in the history of these ranks,
Week 4 Box Scores (Summer 2025)
Silver Stallions vs Purple Nurple1st Period:PRP (1-0) – Caleb (2) (assisted by Mitch) (6:33)2nd Period:PRP (2-0) – Will (1) (assisted by Jo Robin) (8:57)PRP (3-0)
Week 6 Betting Lines (Summer 2025)
Silver Stallions (+2.0 Goals) (-105)The Pie Pie Strikes Back (-2.0 Goals) (-135)Over 7.0 Goals (-160)Under 7.0 Goals (+115) Notes: Tough to adequately describe how hungover
Week 5 Betting Lines (Summer 2025)
Reds N’ Roses (-120)The Mighty Ducks (-120)Over 6.5 (-120)Under 6.5 (-120) Notes: Wow, it’s legitimately weird to actually have to put out betting lines on
D5 Summer Classic Betting Lines Review (Summer 2025)
How’d we do with our Pre-Tournament Betting Lines? Which ones were sharp and which ones were total sucker bets? Although every bet that any D5er
Summer Classic Box Scores & Stats (Summer 2025)
Shortis vs Dirty Mike & The Boys2nd Period:MIKE (1-0) – Ryan (1) (assisted by Joel) (5:59)MIKE (2-0) – Ryan (2) (assisted by Emma) (9:29)3rd Period:MIKE
D5 Summer Classic Lines (Summer 2025)
Note: All player lines include points accrued in all games, including playoffs, but NOT games played as a sub Tournament WinnerShortis (EVEN)Thrust Fund (EVEN)Dirty Mike
Week 4 Betting Lines (Summer 2025)
Silver Stallions (+1.5 Goals) (+135)Purple Nurple (-1.5 Goals) (-200)Over 6.0 Goals (-145)Under 6.0 Goals (EVEN) Notes: I am super curious how the heat is going
Week 3 Box Scores (Summer 2025)
The Mighty Ducks vs Silver Stallions 1st Period:DUCK (1-0) – Simon (2) (assisted by Dave Zuck) (0:23)STA (1-1) – Minsky (1) (unassisted) (7:32)DUCK (2-1) –
Week 2 Box Scores (Summer 2025)
Fertilizin’ Eggs vs The Pie Pie Strikes Back2nd Period:EGG (1-0) – Jenn’s Bartender (1) (assisted by Jenn’s Psychiatrist (Spencer)) (8:04)3rd Period:EGG (2-0) – Ryan (1)
Week 3 Betting Lines (Summer 2025)
The Mighty Ducks (-2.0 Goals) (-200)Silver Stallions (+2.0 Goals) (+140)Over 7.5 Goals (-120)Under 7.5 Goals (-120) Notes: The Stallions lost both games on Tuesday night
D5 Player Poll Results (Summer 2025)
The first ever D5 Player Poll went out last week and the results are in: there are some real sick people in this league, both
Week 2 Betting Lines (Summer 2025)
Fertilizin’ Eggs (-120)The Pie Pie Strikes Back (-120)Over 6.0 Goals (-120)Under 6.0 Goals (-120) Notes: Two of the final four teams from last season, both
Week 1 Box Scores (Summer 2025)
Mean Girls vs My Cup Size Is Stanley1st Period:CUP (1-0) – Matt Bramson (1) (assisted by Hogg) (2:38)MEAN (1-1) – Jeff Campbell (1) (assisted by
Championship Week Box Scores (Spring 2025)
The Blue Streakers vs Talking Reds1st Period:BLU (1-0) – Annie (2) (assisted by Chad) (0:33)BLU (2-0) – Jeff Campbell (1) (assisted by Alex) (1:56)RED (1-2)
Week 1 Betting Lines (Take Two) (Summer 2025)
Mean Girls (+2.0 Goals) (+150)My Cup Size Is Stanley (-2.0 Goals) (-230)Over 6.5 Goals (-130)Under 6.5 Goals (-110) Notes: Opening night in D5 and the
Week 1 Betting Lines (Summer 2025)
Slime Time Live (-145)Purple Nurple (EVEN)Over 6.0 Goals (-120)Under 6.0 Goals (-120) Notes: The opening game of the summer season and I’ve spent the whole
Prop Bet Opening Lines (Summer 2025)
District Five ChampionshipUntitled Sex Team (+150)Fertilizin’ Eggs (+240)The Pie Pie Strikes Back (+240)The Mighty Ducks (+340)Slime Time Live (+340)The MilkMob (+420)Purple Nurple (+420)My Cup Size
D5 Power Rankings (Volume I) (Summer 2025)
1) Untitled Blue Team Average Rank: 1.88Highest Rank: 1Lowest Rank: 4Standard Deviation: 1.131st Place Votes: 4 of 8 Comments: For the 5th straight season that we’ve done preseason ranks, blue gets
D5 Essay Contest: Why I Should Win 25% Off Dues
As you may have heard, I won the D5 Playoff Challenge by a record margin. It was truly something to behold and the only people
Championship Week Betting Lines (Spring 2025)
The Blue Streakers (-120)Talking Reds (-120)Over 4.0 Goals (-120)Under 4.0 Goals (-120) Notes: This is officially the lowest over/under in league history. I’m not sure
Underrated Storylines (Spring 2025)
Spring 2025 was a banner season for D5, the largest spring season we’ve ever had and quite honestly one of the most fun, but there
Playoff Week 1 Box Scores (Spring 2025)
The MilkMob vs Pizza Rats1st Period:MILK (1-0) – Good Yehuda (1) (assisted by The Milkman) (3:08)2nd Period:MILK (2-0) – Good Yehuda (2) (assisted by Rob
D5 Power Rankings (Volume III) (Spring 2025)
Abbreviated power rankings! Abbreviated because it’s a holiday weekend and there are only four teams left with the other 60% of the league already gearing
Week 10 Box Scores (Spring 2025)
The Grassholes vs Talking Reds1st Period:RED (1-0) – Tarnow (3) (assisted by Kevin) (6:23)2nd Period:GRH (1-1) – Andrew (2) (assisted by Brooke) (3:17)GRH (2-1) –
Playoff Week 1 Betting Lines (Spring 2025)
The MilkMob (+140)Pizza Rats (-200)Over 6.0 Goals (-120)Under 6.0 Goals (-120) Notes: The opening matchup of the playoffs sees two of the loudest captains in
Week 9 Box Scores (Spring 2025)
Pizza Rats vs Team Pie PIe2nd Period:PIE (1-0) – Steph (1) (assisted by Simon) (5:33)PIE (2-0) – Jo Robin (3) (assisted by Caitlin) (6:37)PIE (3-0)
Week 10 Betting Lines (Take Two) (Spring 2025)
The Grassholes (-200)Talking Reds (+140)Over 5.5 Goals (-125)Under 5.5 Goals (-115) Notes: We have a guest writer this week so I’m just going to give
Week 10 Betting Lines (Spring 2025)
My Cup Size Is Stanley (-2.5 Goals) (-120)The MilkMob (+2.5 Goals) (-120)Over 6.5 Goals (-145)Under 6.5 Goals (EVEN)Notes: By some absolute miracle of the lord
Weeks 7 & 8 Box Scores (Spring 2025)
Mace Windu vs Team Pie Pie 1st Period:MACE (1-0) – Sanchick (1) (unassisted) (0:30)PIE (1-1) – DRo (1) (assisted by Tarnow) (3:55)PIE (2-1) – Simon
Week 9 Betting Lines (Spring 2025)
Pizza Rats (+2.0 Goals) (-120)Team Pie Pie (-2.0 Goals) (-120)Over 5.5 (-120)Under 5.5 (-120) Notes: The only reason this line is 5.5 rather than 5.0
Week 8 Betting Lines (Spring 2025)
Silver Stallions (+1.5 Goals) (+185)My Cup Size Is Stanley (-1.5 Goals) (-300)Over 7.0 Goals (-110)Under 7.0 Goals (-130) Notes: I can’t believe the day has
Week 6 Box Scores (Spring 2025)
Crankin’ Hog vs The MilkMob 1st Period:HOG (1-0) – Jake Friedman (2) (assisted by Pete) (3:30)HOG (2-0) – Nick (2) (unassisted) (4:55)MILK (1-2) – Dana
Week 5 Box Scores (Spring 2025)
Mace Windu vs Beatin’ Meat 1st Period:MEAT (1-0) – Jake Friedman (1) (assisted by Munir) (4:55)MACE (1-1) – Chris Fullam (3) (assisted by Tyler Hines)
Week 7 Betting Lines (Spring 2025)
Mace Windu (+1.0 Goals) (+110)Team Pie Pie (-1.0 Goals) (-155)Over 5.5 (-110)Under 5.5 (-130) Notes: It’s a classic Friday night and by that I mean
Breaking News: Cup Size/Reds Line Shut Down Amidst Widespread Collusion & Point Shaving Allegations
Editor’s Note: This blurb was emailed to me 10 minutes ago and is a developing story.Breaking news from the D5 sports desk as rumors of
Week 6 Betting Lines (Spring 2025)
Beatin’ Meat Crankin’ Hog (-1.5 Goals) (-165)The MilkMob (+1.5 Goals) (+120)Over 7.5 Goals (-120)Under 7.5 Goals (-120) Notes: The battle between the two teams who
BREAKING NEWS: Yehuda Traded Once Again In Easter Stunner As Multiple Teams Want Him Crucified
Shocking news out of New Jersey today as, for the second time this week, Yehuda has been excommunicated. After months of captains discussing what is
Week 5 Betting Lines (Spring 2025)
Mace Windu (-250)Beatin’ Meat (+165)Over 6.0 Goals (-130)Under 6.0 Goals (-110) Notes: This is a great opportunity to get Meat at + money which really
Week 4 Box Scores (Spring 2025)
Talking Reds vs Mace Windu 2nd Period:RED (1-0) – Erik Cortez (1) (assisted by Paul Chester) (2:18)RED (2-0) – Oskar (1) (unassisted) (11:45)3rd Period:MACE (1-2)
BREAKING NEWS: Goalies, Kids, Yehudas Swapped In Midseason Blockbuster
One of the craziest trades in league history was made official this morning as, after days of negotiations over multiple glasses of milk, a deal
Week 3 Box Scores (Spring 2025)
The MilkMob vs Silver Stallions 1st Period:MILK (1-0) – The Milkman (1) (assisted by Seb) (1:44)STA (1-1) – Dave Abada (1) (assisted by James Pereir)
Week 4 Betting Lines (Spring 2025)
Talking Reds (+150)Mace Windu (-230)Over 4.5 Goals (-120)Under 4.5 Goals (-120) Notes: Although I’m sure everyone’s pretty pumped to get out there and play, especially
D5 Power Rankings (Volume II) (Spring 2025)
1) Team Pie Pie Average Rank: 1.75Previous Rank: 3 (up 2)Highest Rank: 1Lowest Rank: 4Standard Deviation: 1.041st Place Votes: 4 of 8 Comments: When I announced that the Spring 2025 season
Week 3 Betting Lines (Spring 2025)
The MilkMob (+150)Silver Stallions (-225)Over 6.5 (-120)Under 6.5 (-120) Notes: Both teams are slightly short for this one with the Stallions rocking 9 players and
Week 2 Box Scores (Spring 2025)
The Grassholes vs Beatin’ Meat1st Period:MEAT (1-0) – Pete (1) (assisted by Nick) (0:10)MEAT (2-0) – Tommy (1) (assisted by Lucas) (2:49)MEAT (3-0) – Jack
Week 2 Betting Lines (Spring 2025)
The Grassholes (+135)Beatin’ Meat (-180)Over 6.5 (EVEN)Under 6.5 (-145)Notes: Green opens up their championship defense against the team against whom they had a semifinal matchup
Week 1 Box Scores (Spring 2025)
The MilkMob vs Team Pie PIe1st Period:MILK (1-0) – Sean Lewin (1) (assisted by Jordan) (12:13)2nd Period:PIE (1-1) – Matt Bramson (1) (assisted by Steph)
Week 1 Betting Lines (Spring 2025)
The MilkMob (+1.5 Goals) (+150)Team Pie Pie (-1.5 Goals) (-225)Over 7.0 (-120)Under 7.0 (-120) Notes: I have no idea what’s up with ChatGPT’s updated image
D5 Power Rankings (Volume I) (Spring 2025)
1) The Blue Streakers Average Rank: 2.00Highest Rank: 1Lowest Rank: 6Standard Deviation: 1.561st Place Votes: 5 of 10 Comments: For the 4th straight season that we’ve done preseason ranks (didn’t do
Prop Bet Opening Lines (Spring 2025)
Opening lines for the Spring 2025 season…some with special guest commentary from last season’s scoring champ Mr. Ryan Levine. Giddyup. District Five ChampionshipThe Blue Streakers,
The Five Craziest Parts Of The Spring 2025 Draft
#5: Andrew Goes #2 OverallAndrew is undoubtedly a league legend, the winner of three straight Leetch Awards and the only player to ever win five
BREAKING NEWS: JACK SELECTED 1ST OVERALL, IMMEDIATELY TRADED IN DRAFT DAY STUNNER!
From the same trusted outlet that brought you such breaking news stories as the Herman/Chester Trade of 2021, Goose being confirmed Jewish or the Mensches Annoucement that
Spring 2025 Front Office Preview
With the draft just under ten hours away, a look at each team’s unique front office situation and what you can expect from these sick
D5 Origin Stories
Who are your fellow leaguemates and where the hell did they come from? Every hero needs a proper origin story. To be fair, so does
All Time Records Update Post (2025 Edition)
Since it’s likely that no one except a few true sickos check the All Time Records & Achievements page with any regularity, here’s some info on what’s
Championship Week Betting Lines (Yet Again) (Fall 2024)
Sexperts (+180)Merry Pranksters (-265)Over 4.5 (-110)Under 4.5 (-130)Notes: This game was tied 0-0 with 3:59 remaining in the 1st period before some freak rain caused
Championship Week Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
Sexperts (+210)Merry Pranksters (-350)Over 4.5 (-120)Under 4.5 (-120) Notes: This game is tied 0-0 with 3:59 remaining in the 1st period. A true toss-up leading
Playoff Week 1 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
Melrose Home (-120)Tropic Thunder (-120)Over 6.5 (-105)Under 6.5 (-135) Notes: The Fall 2024 playoffs kick off with a rematch of the league’s first ever Sunday