One of the craziest trades in league history was made official this morning as, after days of negotiations over multiple glasses of milk, a deal
Author: aryastark1994
Week 3 Box Scores (Spring 2025)
The MilkMob vs Silver Stallions 1st Period:MILK (1-0) – The Milkman (1) (assisted by Seb) (1:44)STA (1-1) – Dave Abada (1) (assisted by James Pereir)
Week 4 Betting Lines (Spring 2025)
Talking Reds (+150)Mace Windu (-230)Over 4.5 Goals (-120)Under 4.5 Goals (-120) Notes: Although I’m sure everyone’s pretty pumped to get out there and play, especially
D5 Power Rankings (Volume II) (Spring 2025)
1) Team Pie Pie Average Rank: 1.75Previous Rank: 3 (up 2)Highest Rank: 1Lowest Rank: 4Standard Deviation: 1.041st Place Votes: 4 of 8 Comments: When I announced that the Spring 2025 season
Week 3 Betting Lines (Spring 2025)
The MilkMob (+150)Silver Stallions (-225)Over 6.5 (-120)Under 6.5 (-120) Notes: Both teams are slightly short for this one with the Stallions rocking 9 players and
Week 2 Box Scores (Spring 2025)
The Grassholes vs Beatin’ Meat1st Period:MEAT (1-0) – Pete (1) (assisted by Nick) (0:10)MEAT (2-0) – Tommy (1) (assisted by Lucas) (2:49)MEAT (3-0) – Jack
Week 2 Betting Lines (Spring 2025)
The Grassholes (+135)Beatin’ Meat (-180)Over 6.5 (EVEN)Under 6.5 (-145)Notes: Green opens up their championship defense against the team against whom they had a semifinal matchup
Week 1 Box Scores (Spring 2025)
The MilkMob vs Team Pie PIe1st Period:MILK (1-0) – Sean Lewin (1) (assisted by Jordan) (12:13)2nd Period:PIE (1-1) – Matt Bramson (1) (assisted by Steph)
Week 1 Betting Lines (Spring 2025)
The MilkMob (+1.5 Goals) (+150)Team Pie Pie (-1.5 Goals) (-225)Over 7.0 (-120)Under 7.0 (-120) Notes: I have no idea what’s up with ChatGPT’s updated image
D5 Power Rankings (Volume I) (Spring 2025)
1) The Blue Streakers Average Rank: 2.00Highest Rank: 1Lowest Rank: 6Standard Deviation: 1.561st Place Votes: 5 of 10 Comments: For the 4th straight season that we’ve done preseason ranks (didn’t do
Prop Bet Opening Lines (Spring 2025)
Opening lines for the Spring 2025 season…some with special guest commentary from last season’s scoring champ Mr. Ryan Levine. Giddyup. District Five ChampionshipThe Blue Streakers,
The Five Craziest Parts Of The Spring 2025 Draft
#5: Andrew Goes #2 OverallAndrew is undoubtedly a league legend, the winner of three straight Leetch Awards and the only player to ever win five
BREAKING NEWS: JACK SELECTED 1ST OVERALL, IMMEDIATELY TRADED IN DRAFT DAY STUNNER!
From the same trusted outlet that brought you such breaking news stories as the Herman/Chester Trade of 2021, Goose being confirmed Jewish or the Mensches Annoucement that
Spring 2025 Front Office Preview
With the draft just under ten hours away, a look at each team’s unique front office situation and what you can expect from these sick
D5 Origin Stories
Who are your fellow leaguemates and where the hell did they come from? Every hero needs a proper origin story. To be fair, so does
All Time Records Update Post (2025 Edition)
Since it’s likely that no one except a few true sickos check the All Time Records & Achievements page with any regularity, here’s some info on what’s
Championship Week Betting Lines (Yet Again) (Fall 2024)
Sexperts (+180)Merry Pranksters (-265)Over 4.5 (-110)Under 4.5 (-130)Notes: This game was tied 0-0 with 3:59 remaining in the 1st period before some freak rain caused
Championship Week Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
Sexperts (+210)Merry Pranksters (-350)Over 4.5 (-120)Under 4.5 (-120) Notes: This game is tied 0-0 with 3:59 remaining in the 1st period. A true toss-up leading
Playoff Week 1 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
Melrose Home (-120)Tropic Thunder (-120)Over 6.5 (-105)Under 6.5 (-135) Notes: The Fall 2024 playoffs kick off with a rematch of the league’s first ever Sunday
Week 9 Box Scores (Fall 2024)
The MilkMob vs My Cup Size Is Stanley1st Period:CUP (1-0) – Ken (5) (assisted by Minsky) (2:44)MILK (1-1) – Joe Fusco (4) (unassisted) (12:02)CUP (2-1)
Week 11 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
Sexperts (+135)The Grassholes (-200)Over 6.5 (-145)Under 6.5 (EVEN) Notes: Green has a full roster in for this one while blue currently has six guys, two
Week 10 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
Sexperts (-230)Melrose Home (+150)Over 6.5 (-135)Under 6.5 (-105) Notes: Yellow becomes the third team to finish up tonight in the penultimate night of the Fall
Week 9 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
The MilkMob (+140)My Cup Size Is Stanley (-200)Over 7.0 (-120)Under 7.0 (-120) Notes: I’m not sure totally sure what to call this matchup between Team
D5 Power Rankings (Volume II) (Fall 2024)
1) Flickin’ Bean Average Rank:Â 2.25Previous Rank: 7 (up 6)Highest Rank:Â 1Lowest Rank:Â 6Standard Deviation:Â 1.751st Place Votes:Â 4 of 8 Comments:Â After a brutal start to the season with a
Week 8 Box Scores (Fall 2024)
The Sharks vs My Cup Size Is Stanley1st Period:SHA (1-0) – Jack (1) (assisted by Amanda) (3:59)SHA (2-0) – Alex Merone (2) (assisted by Oskar)
Week 7 Box Scores (Fall 2024)
Melrose Home vs Tropic Thunder1st Period:MRH (1-0) – Wes (1) (unassisted) (6:26)MRH (2-0) – Adam Herman (2) (assisted by Mike Sanchick) (10:11)TROP (1-2) – Kyle
Weeks 5-6 Box Scores (Fall 2024)
Merry Pranksters vs My Cup Size Is Stanley2nd Period:PRK (1-0) – Sam Gelman (12) (unassisted) (0:29)PRK (2-0) – Sam Gelman (13) (assisted by Maddie) (1:29)PRK
Week 8 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
The Sharks (-125)My Cup Size Is Stanley (-115)Over 6.5 (-135)Under 6.5 (-105) Notes: I know I often make fun of AI art in this space
Week 7 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
Melrose Home (-115)Tropic Thunder (-125)Over 6.5 (-110)Under 6.5 (-130) Notes: I still can’t believe that more people were down to play tonight than last Friday
Week 6 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
Merry Pranksters (-320)Red Sabbath (+200)Over 6.0 (-105)Under 6.0 (-135) Notes: It’s Rosh Hashanah (kind of) and a mini three game slate kicks off the weekend.
Week 4 Box Scores (Fall 2024)
Melrose Home vs The Grassholes1st Period:GRH (1-0) – Ryann (3) (assisted by Rockoff) (1:00)MRH (1-1) – Chucky Perks (1) (assisted by Wes) (9:35)GRH (2-1) –
Week 5 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
Merry Pranksters (-120)My Cup Size Is Stanley (-120)Over 7.0 (-125)Under 7.0 (-115) Notes: I am consistently amazed at both the beauty and the horror of
D5 Power Rankings (Volume I) (Fall 2024)
1) The Grassholes Average Rank: 2.71Highest Rank: 1Lowest Rank: 7Standard Deviation: 2.381st Place Votes: 3 of 7 Comments: Green has come storming out of the gate with five straight wins. Incredibly,
Week 3 Box Scores (Fall 2024)
Tropic Thunder vs The Sharks2nd Period:TROP (1-0) – Will Carter (1) (assisted by Simon) (0:45) GAME NOTES: Goalies were sensational in this one and the gameplay
Week 4 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
Melrose Home (+2.0 Goals) (+130)The Grassholes (-2.0 Goals) (-175)Over 6.0 (-130)Under 6.0 (-110) Notes: The Grassholes are suddenly the hottest team in D5 and quite
Weeks 1-2 Box Scores (Fall 2024)
Red Sabbath vs The MilkMob1st Period:RED (1-0) – Lucas (1) (assisted by Tarnow) (3:50)MILK (1-1) – The Milkman (1) (unassisted) (5:35)2nd Period:RED (2-1) – Campbell
Week 3 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
Tropic Thunder (-110)The Sharks (-130)Over 6.5 (-120)Under 6.5 (-120)Notes: A matchup for the ages, Hicks and Jack used to routinely request three game series between
Week 2 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
MelRose Home (EVEN)Red Sabbath (-145)Over 6.0 (-110)Under 6.0 (-130) Notes:Â MelRose is missing Chucky Perks, Wes, Robyn and Erik with Russo a solid maybe. Red is
Week 1 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
Red (-120)The MilkMob (-120)Over 6.5 (-105)Under 6.5 (-135) Notes: One of the most exciting debuts in league history takes place tonight in the opening game
Prop Bet Opening Lines (Fall 2024)
District Five ChampionshipThe Sharks or Tropic Thunder (+150)Blue or The MilkMob (+250)The Halloweenies or My Cup Size Is Stanley (+250)Flickin’ Bean (+400)Green (+500)Merry Pranksters (+500)Yellow
Championship Week Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
My Cup Size Is Stanley (+2.0 Goals) (-160)Red Floyd (-2.0 Goals) (+110)Over 6.5 (-105)Under 6.5 (-135) Notes: This looked like it could shape up to
Weeks 9-10 Box Scores (Summer 2024)
Layin’ Pipe vs SexyBack 2nd Period:PIPE (1-0) – Andrew (11) (assisted by Ryan Levine) (4:46)3rd Period:PIPE (2-0) – Ryan Levine (9) (assisted by Alex C)
Playoff Week 1 Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
Merry Pranksters (+200)UPS (-320)Over 7.5 (-130)Under 7.5 (-110) Notes: UPS was a trendy preseason pick but quickly fell on tough times, particularly defensively when they
D5 Power Rankings (Pre-Playoff Edition) (Summer 2024)
Editor’s Note: Minsky was the only person who submitted full analysis for every team and there was once an edition of these ranks where I
Weeks 7-8 Box Scores (Summer 2024)
White Walkers vs Layin’ Pipe 1st Period:PIPE (1-0) – Dom (9) (assisted by Ryan Levine) (12:47)2nd Period:PIPE (2-0) – Ryan Levine (8) (assisted by Andrew)
Week 10 Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
My Cup Size Is Stanley (-175)The Seahorses (+130)Over 6.5 (-135)Under 6.5 (-105) Notes: This league truly has it all. We already have Commissioner Bowl, the
Week 9 Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
Layin’ Pipe (-2.0 Goals) (-200)SexyBack (+2.0 Goals) (+140)Over 7.5 (-120)Under 7.5 (-120)Notes: After a seemingly never-ending hangover from whatever the hell went down in Nashville,
Weeks 5-6 Box Scores (Summer 2024)
White Walkers vs Ninja Turtles 1st Period:WWK (1-0) – Mike Milstein (1) (assisted by Munir) (5:47)NJT (1-1) – Matt Leeb (3) (assisted by Ashwin) (6:16)NJT
Week 7 Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
White Walkers (+3.5 Goals) (+140)Layin’ Pipe (-3.5 Goals) (-200)Over 7.5 Goals (-110)Under 7.5 Goals (-130) Notes: First off, that image isn’t AI art but is
Week 7 Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
Merry Pranksters (+2.0 Goals) (+130) Ninja Turtles (-2.0 Goals) (-175)Over 6.5 Goals (-145)Under 6.5 Goals (EVEN)Notes: No idea if these games are happening. Doesn’t seem
Week 6 Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
Merry Pranksters (-165)The Seahorses (+120)Over 7.0 Goals (-135)Under 7.0 Goals (-105) Notes: These teams already met a few weeks ago as the Pranksters triumphed to
Week 5 Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
White Walkers (-110)Ninja Turtles (-130)Over 7.0 Goals (+115)Under 7.0 Goals (-160) Notes: White Walkers are missing Nolan, Satok and Pelletier while Ninja Turtles are missing
Week 4 Box Scores (Summer 2024)
Red Floyd vs UPS2nd Period:RED (1-0) – New Yehuda (4) (assisted by Goose) (3:22)UPS (1-1) – Brita (3) (assisted by Chucky Perks) (4:57)3rd Period:UPS (2-1)
Week 4 Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
Red Floyd (-250)UPS (+160)Over 7.5 (-110)Under 7.5 (-130) Notes: This over/under was so rough to sort out. UPS gives up more goals than any team
D5 Power Rankings (Volume II) (Summer 2024)
1) SexyBackAverage Rank:Â 1.60Previous Rank: 1 (unchanged)Highest Rank:Â 1Lowest Rank:Â 3Standard Deviation:Â 0.701st Place Votes:Â 5 of 10 Comments:Â Only played one game but it was a 4-0 beatdown of yellow.
Updated Post Week III Prop Lines (Summer 2024)
District Five ChampionshipSexyBack (+145)Red Floyd (+240) Layin’ Pipe (+240)The GoldMembers (+280)Ninja Turtles (+350)My Cup Size Is Stanley (+550)UPS (+720)Merry Pranksters (+1200)White Walkers (+1200)The Seahorses (+1400)
Week 3 Box Scores (Summer 2024)
Merry Pranksters vs Layin’ Pipe 1st Period:PIPE (1-0) – Pete (1) (unassisted) (4:54)PIPE (2-0) – Grace Cartwheel (2) (assisted by Jason Reape) (6:43)2nd Period:PIPE (3-0)
Weeks 1-2 Box Scores (Summer 2024)
Red Floyd vs Merry Pranksters 1st Period:RED (1-0) – Campbell (1) (assisted by Sarah Hoffman) (1:36)RED (2-0) – Yehuda Silverman (1) (assisted by Campbell) (9:45)2nd
Week 3 Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
Merry Pranksters (+2.0 Goals) (+160) Layin’ Pipe (-2.0 Goals) (-250)Over 6.5 (-130)Under 6.5 (-110) Notes:Â The Pranksters come into this game off a big time win
Week 2 Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
The GoldMembers (+115)Ninja Turtles (-160)Over 6.5 (-120)Under 6.5 (-120) Notes: Another season, another Friday spent watching the rain forecast all day, fielding texts from confused players/captains and