The MilkMob vs My Cup Size Is Stanley1st Period:CUP (1-0) – Ken (5) (assisted by Minsky) (2:44)MILK (1-1) – Joe Fusco (4) (unassisted) (12:02)CUP (2-1)
Author: aryastark1994
Week 11 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
Sexperts (+135)The Grassholes (-200)Over 6.5 (-145)Under 6.5 (EVEN) Notes: Green has a full roster in for this one while blue currently has six guys, two
Week 10 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
Sexperts (-230)Melrose Home (+150)Over 6.5 (-135)Under 6.5 (-105) Notes: Yellow becomes the third team to finish up tonight in the penultimate night of the Fall
Week 9 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
The MilkMob (+140)My Cup Size Is Stanley (-200)Over 7.0 (-120)Under 7.0 (-120) Notes: I’m not sure totally sure what to call this matchup between Team
D5 Power Rankings (Volume II) (Fall 2024)
1) Flickin’ Bean Average Rank:Â 2.25Previous Rank: 7 (up 6)Highest Rank:Â 1Lowest Rank:Â 6Standard Deviation:Â 1.751st Place Votes:Â 4 of 8 Comments:Â After a brutal start to the season with a
Week 8 Box Scores (Fall 2024)
The Sharks vs My Cup Size Is Stanley1st Period:SHA (1-0) – Jack (1) (assisted by Amanda) (3:59)SHA (2-0) – Alex Merone (2) (assisted by Oskar)
Week 7 Box Scores (Fall 2024)
Melrose Home vs Tropic Thunder1st Period:MRH (1-0) – Wes (1) (unassisted) (6:26)MRH (2-0) – Adam Herman (2) (assisted by Mike Sanchick) (10:11)TROP (1-2) – Kyle
Weeks 5-6 Box Scores (Fall 2024)
Merry Pranksters vs My Cup Size Is Stanley2nd Period:PRK (1-0) – Sam Gelman (12) (unassisted) (0:29)PRK (2-0) – Sam Gelman (13) (assisted by Maddie) (1:29)PRK
Week 8 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
The Sharks (-125)My Cup Size Is Stanley (-115)Over 6.5 (-135)Under 6.5 (-105) Notes: I know I often make fun of AI art in this space
Week 7 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
Melrose Home (-115)Tropic Thunder (-125)Over 6.5 (-110)Under 6.5 (-130) Notes: I still can’t believe that more people were down to play tonight than last Friday
Week 6 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
Merry Pranksters (-320)Red Sabbath (+200)Over 6.0 (-105)Under 6.0 (-135) Notes: It’s Rosh Hashanah (kind of) and a mini three game slate kicks off the weekend.
Week 4 Box Scores (Fall 2024)
Melrose Home vs The Grassholes1st Period:GRH (1-0) – Ryann (3) (assisted by Rockoff) (1:00)MRH (1-1) – Chucky Perks (1) (assisted by Wes) (9:35)GRH (2-1) –
Week 5 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
Merry Pranksters (-120)My Cup Size Is Stanley (-120)Over 7.0 (-125)Under 7.0 (-115) Notes: I am consistently amazed at both the beauty and the horror of
D5 Power Rankings (Volume I) (Fall 2024)
1) The Grassholes Average Rank: 2.71Highest Rank: 1Lowest Rank: 7Standard Deviation: 2.381st Place Votes: 3 of 7 Comments: Green has come storming out of the gate with five straight wins. Incredibly,
Week 3 Box Scores (Fall 2024)
Tropic Thunder vs The Sharks2nd Period:TROP (1-0) – Will Carter (1) (assisted by Simon) (0:45) GAME NOTES: Goalies were sensational in this one and the gameplay
Week 4 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
Melrose Home (+2.0 Goals) (+130)The Grassholes (-2.0 Goals) (-175)Over 6.0 (-130)Under 6.0 (-110) Notes: The Grassholes are suddenly the hottest team in D5 and quite
Weeks 1-2 Box Scores (Fall 2024)
Red Sabbath vs The MilkMob1st Period:RED (1-0) – Lucas (1) (assisted by Tarnow) (3:50)MILK (1-1) – The Milkman (1) (unassisted) (5:35)2nd Period:RED (2-1) – Campbell
Week 3 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
Tropic Thunder (-110)The Sharks (-130)Over 6.5 (-120)Under 6.5 (-120)Notes: A matchup for the ages, Hicks and Jack used to routinely request three game series between
Week 2 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
MelRose Home (EVEN)Red Sabbath (-145)Over 6.0 (-110)Under 6.0 (-130) Notes:Â MelRose is missing Chucky Perks, Wes, Robyn and Erik with Russo a solid maybe. Red is
Week 1 Betting Lines (Fall 2024)
Red (-120)The MilkMob (-120)Over 6.5 (-105)Under 6.5 (-135) Notes: One of the most exciting debuts in league history takes place tonight in the opening game
Prop Bet Opening Lines (Fall 2024)
District Five ChampionshipThe Sharks or Tropic Thunder (+150)Blue or The MilkMob (+250)The Halloweenies or My Cup Size Is Stanley (+250)Flickin’ Bean (+400)Green (+500)Merry Pranksters (+500)Yellow
Championship Week Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
My Cup Size Is Stanley (+2.0 Goals) (-160)Red Floyd (-2.0 Goals) (+110)Over 6.5 (-105)Under 6.5 (-135) Notes: This looked like it could shape up to
Weeks 9-10 Box Scores (Summer 2024)
Layin’ Pipe vs SexyBack 2nd Period:PIPE (1-0) – Andrew (11) (assisted by Ryan Levine) (4:46)3rd Period:PIPE (2-0) – Ryan Levine (9) (assisted by Alex C)
Playoff Week 1 Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
Merry Pranksters (+200)UPS (-320)Over 7.5 (-130)Under 7.5 (-110) Notes: UPS was a trendy preseason pick but quickly fell on tough times, particularly defensively when they
D5 Power Rankings (Pre-Playoff Edition) (Summer 2024)
Editor’s Note: Minsky was the only person who submitted full analysis for every team and there was once an edition of these ranks where I
Weeks 7-8 Box Scores (Summer 2024)
White Walkers vs Layin’ Pipe 1st Period:PIPE (1-0) – Dom (9) (assisted by Ryan Levine) (12:47)2nd Period:PIPE (2-0) – Ryan Levine (8) (assisted by Andrew)
Week 10 Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
My Cup Size Is Stanley (-175)The Seahorses (+130)Over 6.5 (-135)Under 6.5 (-105) Notes: This league truly has it all. We already have Commissioner Bowl, the
Week 9 Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
Layin’ Pipe (-2.0 Goals) (-200)SexyBack (+2.0 Goals) (+140)Over 7.5 (-120)Under 7.5 (-120)Notes: After a seemingly never-ending hangover from whatever the hell went down in Nashville,
Weeks 5-6 Box Scores (Summer 2024)
White Walkers vs Ninja Turtles 1st Period:WWK (1-0) – Mike Milstein (1) (assisted by Munir) (5:47)NJT (1-1) – Matt Leeb (3) (assisted by Ashwin) (6:16)NJT
Week 7 Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
White Walkers (+3.5 Goals) (+140)Layin’ Pipe (-3.5 Goals) (-200)Over 7.5 Goals (-110)Under 7.5 Goals (-130) Notes: First off, that image isn’t AI art but is
Week 7 Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
Merry Pranksters (+2.0 Goals) (+130) Ninja Turtles (-2.0 Goals) (-175)Over 6.5 Goals (-145)Under 6.5 Goals (EVEN)Notes: No idea if these games are happening. Doesn’t seem
Week 6 Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
Merry Pranksters (-165)The Seahorses (+120)Over 7.0 Goals (-135)Under 7.0 Goals (-105) Notes: These teams already met a few weeks ago as the Pranksters triumphed to
Week 5 Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
White Walkers (-110)Ninja Turtles (-130)Over 7.0 Goals (+115)Under 7.0 Goals (-160) Notes: White Walkers are missing Nolan, Satok and Pelletier while Ninja Turtles are missing
Week 4 Box Scores (Summer 2024)
Red Floyd vs UPS2nd Period:RED (1-0) – New Yehuda (4) (assisted by Goose) (3:22)UPS (1-1) – Brita (3) (assisted by Chucky Perks) (4:57)3rd Period:UPS (2-1)
Week 4 Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
Red Floyd (-250)UPS (+160)Over 7.5 (-110)Under 7.5 (-130) Notes: This over/under was so rough to sort out. UPS gives up more goals than any team
D5 Power Rankings (Volume II) (Summer 2024)
1) SexyBackAverage Rank:Â 1.60Previous Rank: 1 (unchanged)Highest Rank:Â 1Lowest Rank:Â 3Standard Deviation:Â 0.701st Place Votes:Â 5 of 10 Comments:Â Only played one game but it was a 4-0 beatdown of yellow.
Updated Post Week III Prop Lines (Summer 2024)
District Five ChampionshipSexyBack (+145)Red Floyd (+240) Layin’ Pipe (+240)The GoldMembers (+280)Ninja Turtles (+350)My Cup Size Is Stanley (+550)UPS (+720)Merry Pranksters (+1200)White Walkers (+1200)The Seahorses (+1400)
Week 3 Box Scores (Summer 2024)
Merry Pranksters vs Layin’ Pipe 1st Period:PIPE (1-0) – Pete (1) (unassisted) (4:54)PIPE (2-0) – Grace Cartwheel (2) (assisted by Jason Reape) (6:43)2nd Period:PIPE (3-0)
Weeks 1-2 Box Scores (Summer 2024)
Red Floyd vs Merry Pranksters 1st Period:RED (1-0) – Campbell (1) (assisted by Sarah Hoffman) (1:36)RED (2-0) – Yehuda Silverman (1) (assisted by Campbell) (9:45)2nd
Week 3 Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
Merry Pranksters (+2.0 Goals) (+160) Layin’ Pipe (-2.0 Goals) (-250)Over 6.5 (-130)Under 6.5 (-110) Notes:Â The Pranksters come into this game off a big time win
Week 2 Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
The GoldMembers (+115)Ninja Turtles (-160)Over 6.5 (-120)Under 6.5 (-120) Notes: Another season, another Friday spent watching the rain forecast all day, fielding texts from confused players/captains and
Week 1 Betting Lines (Summer 2024)
Red Floyd (-2.0 Goals) (-170)Merry Pranksters (+2.0 Goals) (+125)Over 6.5 (-120)Under 6.5 (-120) Notes: Opening day is here and with it, all sorts of excitement,
D5 Power Rankings (Preseason Ranks) (Summer 2024)
1) Untitled Blue TeamAverage Rank: 1.29Highest Rank: 1Lowest Rank: 3Standard Deviation: 0.761st Place Votes: 6 of 7 Comments: Last season blue had zero supplementary picks and still managed to become the
Breaking News: Yehuda, Reid, Pucks Swapped In Historic Deal
Shocking news out of Vegas this weekend as the first trade in several years was executed on 4th of July morning in the craps pit
Summer 2024 Prop Bets (Opening Lines)
District Five ChampionshipBlue (+225) Ninja Turtles (+280)UPS (+330)Gold (+400)Layin’ Pipe (+400)Red (+560)Yellow (+700)My Cup Size Is Stanley (+700)Merry Pranksters (+700)White Walkers (+900) Team To Make
Championship Week Betting Lines (Spring 2024)
Julie’s Football Club (+190)The Smurfs (-300)Over 5.5 (EVEN)Under 5.5 (-145) Notes: Zisser remains dead from Saturday’s electric excursion to Acme and is a GTD to
Playoff Week 1 Betting Lines (Spring 2024)
Mojo Jojo (-1.0 Goals) (-200)Red Cheeks (+1.0 Goals) (+140)Over 6.5 (-115)Under 6.5 (-125) Notes: Green is coming into this game with a decimated roster and will likely
D5 Power Rankings (Pre-Playoff Edition) (Spring 2024)
Thanks to all our esteemed rankers who take time out of their workdays to fill out this poll, no matter how brutal/graphic things are getting
Pre-Playoff Prop Lines (Spring 2024)
District Five ChampionshipThe Smurfs (+120)Clappin’ Cheeks (+200)Merry Pranksters (+250)Oh, Deer! (+325)Mojo Jojo (+450)Mel’s Power Trip (+450)The Hart Foundation (+450)Julie’s Football Club (+660)Red Cheeks (+1000) Team To Appear In District Five Championship GameThe Smurfs (-300)Clappin’ Cheeks (-160)Merry
Week 11 Box Scores (Spring 2024)
The Hart Foundation vs Merry Pranksters 1st Period:HRT (1-0) – Ryann (2) (assisted by Stern) (1:04)PRK (1-1) – Sam Gelman (12) (assisted by Adam Herman)
Week 11 Betting Lines (Spring 2024)
The Hart Foundation (-130)Merry Pranksters (-110)Over 6.5 (-135)Under 6.5 (-105) Notes: These two teams met on my birthday earlier this season in what I had as one
Weeks 9-10 Box Scores (Spring 2024)
Oh, Deer! vs The Golden Girls 1st Period:DEER (1-0) – Hicks (11) (unassisted) (0:43)DEER (2-0) – Andreas (2) (assisted by Hicks) (13:45)2nd Period:DEER (3-0) –
Week 10 Betting Lines (Spring 2024)
Clappin’ Cheeks (-220)Red Cheeks (+145)Over 8.0 (-120)Under 8.0 (-120)Notes: Cheeks Bowl Part III and both teams seem to be shorthanded. Well, black leopard cheeks certainly
Week 9 Betting Lines (Spring 2024)
Oh, Deer! (-2.5 Goals) (-135)The Golden Girls (+2.5 Goals) (-105)Over 8.0 (-120)Under 8.0 (-120) Notes: Hicks and Tom have been one of the dirtiest combos in the league
Weeks 7-8 Box Scores (Spring 2024)
Julie’s Football Club vs Red Cheeks 1st Period:JFC (1-0) – Jared (4) (assisted by Julie) (6:52)2nd Period:RED (1-1) – Henry Butler (3) (unassisted) (12:03)3rd Period:RED
Weeks 5-6 Box Scores (Spring 2024)
Red Cheeks vs Clappin’ Cheeks 1st Period:RED (1-0) – Milkman (1) (assisted by Campbell) (0:23)RED (2-0) – Milkman (2) (assisted by Campbell) (9:10)2nd Period:RED (3-0)
Week 8 Betting Lines (Spring 2024)
Mojo Jojo (+2.0 Goals) (+140)Merry Pranksters (-2.0 Goals) (-200)Over 6.5 (-110)Under 6.5 (-130) Notes: This has been an absolutely insane day and not just because the Rangers broke
Week 7 Betting Lines (Spring 2024)
Julie’s Football Club (+2.0 Goals) (-105)Red Cheeks (-2.0 Goals) (-135)Over 7.5 (-120)Under 7.5 (-120) Notes: On paper this game looks like it should go one
Week 6 Betting Lines (Spring 2024)
Red Cheeks (-2.0 Goals) (EVEN)The Hart Foundation (+2.0 Goals) (-145)Over 7.5 (-135)Under 7.5 (-105) Notes: I have no idea what the fuck is going on today. Like legitimately
Week 5 Betting Lines (Spring 2024)
Red Cheeks (+2.0 Goals) (-120)Clappin’ Cheeks (-2.0 Goals) (-120)Over 8.0 (-135)Under 8.0 (-105) Notes: The first annual Cheeks bowl comes to town as I still can’t believe 20%
