Category: Betting Lines

How’d we do with our Pre-Tournament Betting Lines? Which ones were sharp and which ones were total sucker bets? Although every bet that any D5er

Note: All player lines include points accrued in all games, including playoffs, but NOT games played as a sub Tournament WinnerShortis (EVEN)Thrust Fund (EVEN)Dirty Mike

Silver Stallions (+1.5 Goals) (+135)Purple Nurple (-1.5 Goals) (-200)Over 6.0 Goals (-145)Under 6.0 Goals (EVEN) Notes: I am super curious how the heat is going

The Mighty Ducks (-2.0 Goals) (-200)Silver Stallions (+2.0 Goals) (+140)Over 7.5 Goals (-120)Under 7.5 Goals (-120) Notes: The Stallions lost both games on Tuesday night

Fertilizin’ Eggs (-120)The Pie Pie Strikes Back (-120)Over 6.0 Goals (-120)Under 6.0 Goals (-120) Notes: Two of the final four teams from last season, both

Mean Girls (+2.0 Goals) (+150)My Cup Size Is Stanley (-2.0 Goals) (-230)Over 6.5 Goals (-130)Under 6.5 Goals (-110) Notes: Opening night in D5 and the

Slime Time Live (-145)Purple Nurple (EVEN)Over 6.0 Goals (-120)Under 6.0 Goals (-120) Notes: The opening game of the summer season and I’ve spent the whole

District Five ChampionshipUntitled Sex Team (+150)Fertilizin’ Eggs (+240)The Pie Pie Strikes Back (+240)The Mighty Ducks (+340)Slime Time Live (+340)The MilkMob (+420)Purple Nurple (+420)My Cup Size

The Blue Streakers (-120)Talking Reds (-120)Over 4.0 Goals (-120)Under 4.0 Goals (-120) Notes: This is officially the lowest over/under in league history. I’m not sure

The MilkMob (+140)Pizza Rats (-200)Over 6.0 Goals (-120)Under 6.0 Goals (-120) Notes: The opening matchup of the playoffs sees two of the loudest captains in

Pizza Rats vs Team Pie PIe2nd Period:PIE (1-0) – Steph (1) (assisted by Simon) (5:33)PIE (2-0) – Jo Robin (3) (assisted by Caitlin) (6:37)PIE (3-0)

The Grassholes (-200)Talking Reds (+140)Over 5.5 Goals (-125)Under 5.5 Goals (-115) Notes: We have a guest writer this week so I’m just going to give

My Cup Size Is Stanley (-2.5 Goals) (-120)The MilkMob (+2.5 Goals) (-120)Over 6.5 Goals (-145)Under 6.5 Goals (EVEN)Notes: By some absolute miracle of the lord

Pizza Rats (+2.0 Goals) (-120)Team Pie Pie (-2.0 Goals) (-120)Over 5.5 (-120)Under 5.5 (-120) Notes: The only reason this line is 5.5 rather than 5.0

Silver Stallions (+1.5 Goals) (+185)My Cup Size Is Stanley (-1.5 Goals) (-300)Over 7.0 Goals (-110)Under 7.0 Goals (-130) Notes: I can’t believe the day has

Mace Windu (+1.0 Goals) (+110)Team Pie Pie (-1.0 Goals) (-155)Over 5.5 (-110)Under 5.5 (-130) Notes: It’s a classic Friday night and by that I mean

Mace Windu (-250)Beatin’ Meat (+165)Over 6.0 Goals (-130)Under 6.0 Goals (-110) Notes: This is a great opportunity to get Meat at + money which really

Talking Reds (+150)Mace Windu (-230)Over 4.5 Goals (-120)Under 4.5 Goals (-120) Notes: Although I’m sure everyone’s pretty pumped to get out there and play, especially

The Grassholes (+135)Beatin’ Meat (-180)Over 6.5 (EVEN)Under 6.5 (-145)Notes: Green opens up their championship defense against the team against whom they had a semifinal matchup

The MilkMob (+1.5 Goals) (+150)Team Pie Pie (-1.5 Goals) (-225)Over 7.0 (-120)Under 7.0 (-120) Notes: I have no idea what’s up with ChatGPT’s updated image

Opening lines for the Spring 2025 season…some with special guest commentary from last season’s scoring champ Mr. Ryan Levine. Giddyup. District Five ChampionshipThe Blue Streakers,

Sexperts (+180)Merry Pranksters (-265)Over 4.5 (-110)Under 4.5 (-130)Notes: This game was tied 0-0 with 3:59 remaining in the 1st period before some freak rain caused

Sexperts (+210)Merry Pranksters (-350)Over 4.5 (-120)Under 4.5 (-120) Notes: This game is tied 0-0 with 3:59 remaining in the 1st period. A true toss-up leading

Sexperts (+135)The Grassholes (-200)Over 6.5 (-145)Under 6.5 (EVEN) Notes: Green has a full roster in for this one while blue currently has six guys, two

Sexperts (-230)Melrose Home (+150)Over 6.5 (-135)Under 6.5 (-105) Notes: Yellow becomes the third team to finish up tonight in the penultimate night of the Fall

The Sharks (-125)My Cup Size Is Stanley (-115)Over 6.5 (-135)Under 6.5 (-105) Notes: I know I often make fun of AI art in this space

Melrose Home (-115)Tropic Thunder (-125)Over 6.5 (-110)Under 6.5 (-130) Notes: I still can’t believe that more people were down to play tonight than last Friday

Merry Pranksters (-320)Red Sabbath (+200)Over 6.0 (-105)Under 6.0 (-135) Notes: It’s Rosh Hashanah (kind of) and a mini three game slate kicks off the weekend.

Merry Pranksters (-120)My Cup Size Is Stanley (-120)Over 7.0 (-125)Under 7.0 (-115) Notes: I am consistently amazed at both the beauty and the horror of

Melrose Home (+2.0 Goals) (+130)The Grassholes (-2.0 Goals) (-175)Over 6.0 (-130)Under 6.0 (-110) Notes: The Grassholes are suddenly the hottest team in D5 and quite

MelRose Home (EVEN)Red Sabbath (-145)Over 6.0 (-110)Under 6.0 (-130) Notes: MelRose is missing Chucky Perks, Wes, Robyn and Erik with Russo a solid maybe. Red is

Red (-120)The MilkMob (-120)Over 6.5 (-105)Under 6.5 (-135) Notes: One of the most exciting debuts in league history takes place tonight in the opening game

District Five ChampionshipThe Sharks or Tropic Thunder (+150)Blue or The MilkMob (+250)The Halloweenies or My Cup Size Is Stanley (+250)Flickin’ Bean (+400)Green (+500)Merry Pranksters (+500)Yellow

My Cup Size Is Stanley (+2.0 Goals) (-160)Red Floyd (-2.0 Goals) (+110)Over 6.5 (-105)Under 6.5 (-135) Notes: This looked like it could shape up to

Merry Pranksters (+200)UPS (-320)Over 7.5 (-130)Under 7.5 (-110) Notes: UPS was a trendy preseason pick but quickly fell on tough times, particularly defensively when they

Layin’ Pipe (-2.0 Goals) (-200)SexyBack (+2.0 Goals) (+140)Over 7.5 (-120)Under 7.5 (-120)Notes: After a seemingly never-ending hangover from whatever the hell went down in Nashville,

White Walkers (+3.5 Goals) (+140)Layin’ Pipe (-3.5 Goals) (-200)Over 7.5 Goals (-110)Under 7.5 Goals (-130) Notes: First off, that image isn’t AI art but is

Merry Pranksters (+2.0 Goals) (+130) Ninja Turtles (-2.0 Goals) (-175)Over 6.5 Goals (-145)Under 6.5 Goals (EVEN)Notes: No idea if these games are happening. Doesn’t seem

Merry Pranksters (-165)The Seahorses (+120)Over 7.0 Goals (-135)Under 7.0 Goals (-105) Notes: These teams already met a few weeks ago as the Pranksters triumphed to

White Walkers (-110)Ninja Turtles (-130)Over 7.0 Goals (+115)Under 7.0 Goals (-160) Notes: White Walkers are missing Nolan, Satok and Pelletier while Ninja Turtles are missing

Red Floyd (-250)UPS (+160)Over 7.5 (-110)Under 7.5 (-130) Notes: This over/under was so rough to sort out. UPS gives up more goals than any team

District Five ChampionshipSexyBack (+145)Red Floyd (+240) Layin’ Pipe (+240)The GoldMembers (+280)Ninja Turtles (+350)My Cup Size Is Stanley (+550)UPS (+720)Merry Pranksters (+1200)White Walkers (+1200)The Seahorses (+1400)

Merry Pranksters (+2.0 Goals) (+160) Layin’ Pipe (-2.0 Goals) (-250)Over 6.5 (-130)Under 6.5 (-110) Notes: The Pranksters come into this game off a big time win

The GoldMembers (+115)Ninja Turtles (-160)Over 6.5 (-120)Under 6.5 (-120) Notes: Another season, another Friday spent watching the rain forecast all day, fielding texts from confused players/captains and

Red Floyd (-2.0 Goals) (-170)Merry Pranksters (+2.0 Goals) (+125)Over 6.5 (-120)Under 6.5 (-120) Notes: Opening day is here and with it, all sorts of excitement,

District Five ChampionshipBlue (+225) Ninja Turtles (+280)UPS (+330)Gold (+400)Layin’ Pipe (+400)Red (+560)Yellow (+700)My Cup Size Is Stanley (+700)Merry Pranksters (+700)White Walkers (+900) Team To Make

Julie’s Football Club (+190)The Smurfs (-300)Over 5.5 (EVEN)Under 5.5 (-145) Notes: Zisser remains dead from Saturday’s electric excursion to Acme and is a GTD to

Mojo Jojo (-1.0 Goals) (-200)Red Cheeks (+1.0 Goals) (+140)Over 6.5 (-115)Under 6.5 (-125) Notes: Green is coming into this game with a decimated roster and will likely

District Five ChampionshipThe Smurfs (+120)Clappin’ Cheeks (+200)Merry Pranksters (+250)Oh, Deer! (+325)Mojo Jojo (+450)Mel’s Power Trip (+450)The Hart Foundation (+450)Julie’s Football Club (+660)Red Cheeks (+1000) Team To Appear In District Five Championship GameThe Smurfs (-300)Clappin’ Cheeks (-160)Merry

The Hart Foundation (-130)Merry Pranksters (-110)Over 6.5 (-135)Under 6.5 (-105) Notes: These two teams met on my birthday earlier this season in what I had as one

Clappin’ Cheeks (-220)Red Cheeks (+145)Over 8.0 (-120)Under 8.0 (-120)Notes: Cheeks Bowl Part III and both teams seem to be shorthanded. Well, black leopard cheeks certainly

Oh, Deer! (-2.5 Goals) (-135)The Golden Girls (+2.5 Goals) (-105)Over 8.0 (-120)Under 8.0 (-120) Notes: Hicks and Tom have been one of the dirtiest combos in the league

Julie’s Football Club (+2.0 Goals) (-105)Red Cheeks (-2.0 Goals) (-135)Over 7.5 (-120)Under 7.5 (-120) Notes: On paper this game looks like it should go one

Red Cheeks (-2.0 Goals) (EVEN)The Hart Foundation (+2.0 Goals) (-145)Over 7.5 (-135)Under 7.5 (-105) Notes: I have no idea what the fuck is going on today. Like legitimately

Red Cheeks (+2.0 Goals) (-120)Clappin’ Cheeks (-2.0 Goals) (-120)Over 8.0 (-135)Under 8.0 (-105) Notes: The first annual Cheeks bowl comes to town as I still can’t believe 20%

The Golden Girls (-130)Julie’s Football Club (-110)Over 7.0 (-105)Under 7.0 (-135) Notes: Two teams badly in need of a win kick off a week four slate of

Merry Pranksters (-2.5 Goals) (-130)The Golden Girls (+2.5 Goals) (-110)Over 8.0 (-130)Under 8.0 (-110) Notes: Both teams, after requesting the first week+ off for Passover, should have most

Mojo Jojo (+1.5 Goals) (+150)The Smurfs (-1.5 Goals) (-225)Over 7.5 (-130)Under 7.5 (-110) Notes: Two teams drafted by me face off in the first game of the

Julie’s Football Club (+4.0 Goals) (+150)Merry Pranksters (-4.0 Goals) (-220)Over 9.5 (-120)Under 9.5 (-120) Notes: Week one of the Spring season kicks off with probably the worst goalie

District Five ChampionshipBlue (+150)Mojo Jojo (+300)The Hart Foundation (+300)Clappin’ Cheeks (+300)Oh Deer (+360)Merry Pranksters (+360)Mel’s Power Trip (+450)Red Cheeks (+625)The Golden Girls (+1000)Julie’s Football Club